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AMES- SERIES OF 

^D AND MINOR DRAMA, 
394 



T9 




The Bird Family. 



{COMEDY.} 



WITH CAST OF CHARACTERS, ENTRANCES. AND EXITS, 

RELATIVE.POSITIONS OF THE PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, 

DESCRIPTION OF COSTUMES AND THE WHOLE OF THE 

STAGE BUSINESS; CAREFULLY MARKED FROM 

THE MOST APPROVED ACTING COPY. 






"t>b'6^ 



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ALPHABETICAL LIST DP 



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Editinn of Plays. 



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FXFTSBN CENTS BACH ITNLESS OTHERWISE MARKED. 



294 
2 

164 
39 
43 

100 
125 
350 



14 

321 
272 



310 
161 
60 
342 
343 
152 
279 
173 
143 
162 
255 



117 
52 
76 
141 
26 
191 
362 
337 
194 



261 
336 
349 
355 
46 
227 
Til 



M. r. 
DRAMAS. 

Arthur Eustace, 25c 10 4 

A Desperate Gte,me 3 2 

After Ten Years 7 5 

A Life's Revenge 7 5 

Arrahde Baugh 7 5 

Aurora Floyd 7 2 

Auld Robin Gray 25o 13 8 

By Force of Love 8 3 

Beauty of Lyons 11 2 

Bill Detrick 7 3 

Brae, the Poor House Girl.... 4 4 

Brigands of Calabria 6 1 

Broken Links 8 4 

Beyond Pardon..... 7 5 

Conn; or, Love's Victory 11 3 

Clearing the Mists 5 3 

Claim Ninety-Six (96) 25c 8 5 

Dora 5 2 

Driven to the Wall 10 3 

Defending the Flag II 3 

Daisy Garland'? Fortune 5 5 

Driven from Home 7 4 

Dutch Jake 4 3 

East Lynne 8 7 

Emigrant's Daughter 8 3 

Fielding Manor..: 9 6 

Gertie's Vindication 3 3 

Grandmother Hildebrand's 

London Assurance 9 3 

Legacy, 25c 5 4 

Gyp, The Heiress, 25c «.. 5 4 

Haunted by a Shadow 8 2 

Hal Hazard, 25c 10 3 

Henry Granden 11 8 

How!HeDidIt 3 2 

Hidden Treasures 4 2 

Hunter of the Alps 9 4 

Hidden Hand 15 7 

Josh Winchester 5 3 

Kathleen Mavourneen 12 4 

Lights and Shadows ol the 

Great Rebellion, 25c 10 5 

Lady of Lyons 12 5 

Lady Audley's Secret... 6 4 

Little Goldie, 25o 11 3 

Lost in London 6 3 

Miller's Daughter, 25c 7 6 

Mrs. Willis' Will 5 

MyPard 6 5 

Man and Wife 12 

Maudjs Peril 5 7 

Midnight Mistake 6 3 

Millie, the Quadroon 5 2 

"Tiriam's Crime 5 

" " „ : Erie 8 2 

U of Derwent Water 5 3 

~ -:h 7 2 

[The) 6 3 

»k Agent 7 2 



NO. II. r. 

347 Our Country Aunt 4 

223 Old Honesty , 6 i 

81 Old Phil's Birthday... 5 2 

333 Our Kittie 6 3 

86 Outcast's Wife 12 3 

83 Out on the World 6 4. 

331 Old Wayside Inn, The 9 6 

1% Oath Bound 6 2 

29 Painter of Ghent 5 3 

278 Penn Hapgood...-. 10 3 

301 Peleer and Peter, 25c 4 2 

18 Poacher's Doom 8 3 

280 Phcelim O'Rookes' Curse 8 3 

5 Phyllis, the Beggar Girl 6 3 

110 Reverses 12 6 

45 Rook Allen. , 5 3 

363 Stub : 8 3 

79 Spy of Atlanta, 25c 14 3 

275 Simple Silas : 6 3 

266 Sweetbrier ._. 11 5 

3:36 Squire's Daughter 6 3 

3.51 Tho Winning Hand 6 2 

144 Thekla 9 4 

318 The Adventuress 8 6 

284 The Commercial Drummer.... 6 2 

242 The Dutch Recruit 2 jc 14 3 

67 The False Friend 6 1 

97 The Fatal Blo^ 7 1 

119 The Forty-Niners 10 4 

304 The General'Manager 5 5 

93 The Gentleman in'Black 9 4 

314 The Haunted MilL 5 4 

112 The New Magdalen 8 3 

322 The Raw Recruit.;' 6 

71 The Reward of Crime 5 3 

306 The Three Hats 4 3 

105 Through Snow and Sunshine 6 4 

201 Ticket of Leave Man 9 3 

293 Tom Blossom 9 4 

193 Toodles 7 2 

277 The Musical Captain 15 2 

200 Uncle Tom's Cabin 15 7 

2% Wild Mab .-. - 6 2 

121 Will-o'-the-V/isp ; 9 4 

41 Won at Last.. 7 3 

192 Zion „.... 7 4 

TEMPERANCE PLATS. 

73 At Last 7 1 

75 Adrift 5 4 

187 Aunt Dinah's Pledge 6 3 

254 Dot; the Miner's Daughter. .. 9 5 

202 Drunkard [The] 13 5 

185 Drunkard's Warning 6 3 

189 Drunkard's^ Doom 15 5 

181 Fifteen Years of a Drunk- 
ard's Life 13 4 

183 Fruits of the Wine Cup 6 3 

104 Lost 6 2 



The Bird Family And 
Their Friends. 



A COMEDY, 

IN THREE ACTS. 



-BY- 



l/erna M. Raynnr. 



TO WHICH IS ADDED 

A DESCRIPTION "F THE COSTUMES— CAST OF rilE CHARACTERS- 

ENTRA^^CES AND EXITS— RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE 

PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, AKD THE WHOLE. 

OF THE STAGE BUSINESS. 



Entered according to act of Congress tn the year 1898 5# 

AMES' PUBLISHING CO., 
in the o.dlce of the Librarian of Congress at Washington\ 



AJVIES' PUBLISHING CO. 

CLYDE, OHIO : 



THE milB FAMILY Ayn TJlh'Ui rilltJJSV^. ■ 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

/^ ^^TT. .A gentleman from Boston. 

&USTAVUS Oriole ^ j-^^ ^^^^^,^j^ ^^ a fortune. 

Hiram Gull^;- 'Mananer of the Warbler Opera Co. 

BlusterCrow, 'J -^ \iasliful young lover. 

Timothy Quail, ^Y^^ ^^^^^ ^ g^^^^e. 

Uhollie Bird, I.. Of the bald species. 

Lawyer Eagle, -^ ' misdiievous youngster. 

RoBmBiRD, T. 7.7 

Servant, ). I^ouble. 

Officer. S ' ,, An Opera singer. 

Nightengale Ihrush, • • • • • ^^^^ innocent. 

Magpie Bird, ^vie maiden aunt. 

LucRETiA Peacock, * 

Mrs. Powell Bird ^ loeaUhy young widoic. 

Mrs. Goldfinch, . . * 

2581. TIME— The present. 

PLACE— New York. 

TIME OF PLAYING— 2 liours. 

COSTUMES. 

GixsTAvrs 0Ri0LE.-Act Ist., fashionable street dress. Act 2nd.. 

-S^^^SXi^^ls^sIJSVl^^^Act ..a., a.. .pp.-opriat. 

'^^^^^^^:f-^^ r-^ -^^^^^ '-■ ^''' '-'■ -' 

''^^^h'^'^^U^'^^^^- Act2na.,.a.e,ui,.. Act 
'^CHolLSKo'^ct 1st., dressing gown. Act 2nd., cost.nne of a 
Greek. Act 3rd., evening dress. 

'^^s^s^:;^^:^':^^": -^^' ««^- ^'-'^ ^-"'^- -"'"■ 

:>,Kl., costume ot red «1\'=V?,. 1 '^^mnLme evening dress, 
appropriate character, f' ^3^^,,;„'^t,? ^^rsasll big" Itat. Act 2nd.. 
.Jrt^Ss^rpr7s«nin^da,Sggirior«o,vergir,. Act 3rd..pret,, 

evening dress ' , -, . i^uslin dress, trimmed with ga: 

^tS-p^Kff&S'-A^rist-rfrs:; apron atrd cap. Act 
'^krG"i?OH.'J^Act 2nd., appropriate mask. Act 3rd., dinne 
dress. 



The Bird Family and Their Friends. 



ACT I. 



SCEXE. — Interior of tlie liome of the Bikd Family — doors n. ancli.., 
curtained arcJncaij c. Iftofc. e. a large easy chair, mirror l. of sofa, 
window j^. (fc, .sr/vw; n. bark near k. door, meriting desk k. of c. 
door, table ii. front with decanter <f wine and glasses, also a bell and 
book, chairs k. and l. (f table, sofa i,. front — CH.OJ.i.i'EBi'RDdiscovere I 
sitting l. of table, Mrs. Bird dusting furniture icith feather duster. 

Mrs. Bird. I'm sure I don't know what is to become of me. I 
have enough to drive a woman distracted. There's that lazy Sarali, 
she isn't worth a row of pins, and that old dragon, lawyer Eagle, 
pestering me about the estate every day or two. And then there's 
Robin — lie's a dear little innocent cherub, but somehow he's always 
upsetting something by mistake, or innocentlj^ getting into some 
mischief, which keeps me picking up after him. And you — you 
didn't get home till two o'clock this morning. 

Chollie. {sighing) Yes, quite twue. 'Twas indeed vewy late ere I 
quitted the scenes of gayety and sought relief in the arms of gentle 
slumber, {i^ouring out a glass of nine) But alas! what are such 
empty joys to such as I? 

Afrs. B. Empty? No, empty joys don't seem to be much to such 
,is you, that's a fact. 

Choi. But I mean, I care not for the gweat idle fwivolous world. 
I mingle Avith the wushing thwong, but my heart is not there. There 
is always an aching void in my heart. I would that I could wetire 
to some sequestered nook, and there sit and ponder over the gweat 
mysteries of life. 

Mrs.^B. {snappishly) Better go to a convent then. It's all very 
well to talk, but you can't pull the wool over my eyes. You and 
Magpie together Avill drive me craz}-. 

Choi. Why, what has Magpie done to incur your displeasure? 

Mrs. B. Done! Wh.y, she is just determined that she'll marry 
that Timothy Quail, a poor milksop, Avitli nothing to recommend 
him, when there's Mr. Crow, with lots of money, who, I'm sure, Avould 
ask her to marry him in a minute, if she'd l)ut give him a bit of en- 



4 THE BlllD lAMlLY AND THEIR FRIENDS. 

coiiragement, but she won't look at him. 

Choi. But, motlicr, slie hasn't known Mr. Cwow but two weeks. 

Mrs. B. That may all be, but she snubs liim every time they 
meet, and she does make such eyes at that silly Quail, but I say, slw? 
shan't marry him — she just shan't. And I shall lell her this morn- 
ing- that he can't come here any more. lUit I can't stop here and 
talk — such a dwadling set of servants as Fn'c got, I wonder where 
that lazy Sarah ]s. {calling) Sarah! Sa-rahl {exit. n. yi. 

Choi. Oh deah! What a queeah world this is any way; and what 
queeah things these women are, and jeX some of them are so delight- 
ful. How chawming Nightengale was last night. She's a stunner, 
she is, and I'd just like to mawwy her. 13a jove! I'll do it, I'll wite 
to her this vewy mawning and pwopose and we'll have the wedding 
next week. {strikes hell on table 

Enter, Servant, e. e. 

Bwing me the ink and some paper. (Servant hows and exit, r. e.) 
Yes, I will wite to her, I'll pour out my feelings in a passionate 
epistle. Oh deah! {sighing) How ecstatically she did sing last 
night, but what a dweadful void it left behind. 

( pours out glass of wine and drinks 

Enter, Servant, r. e., icilh pen, ink and paper. 

Set them on the table and then leave me, (Servant sets them on 
table, takes decanter and exit, r. e. — Chollie takes tip pjen, arranges 
paper) Now, how shall I begin it? Let me considah. My most 
precious Nightengale — no, that would sound as if I had two or three 
Nightengales— Sweet Delicious Flower — deah me, that sounds like 
an advertisement for Woller Mills. Oh deah ! How shall I commence 
the epistle"? I wondah what is the mattah with my head this morn- 
ing, I haven't an idea in it. Let's considah. 

Enter, Kobin Bird, r. e., idth a large bottle containing a white liquid, 
and a smaller one with a red liquid. 

Robin. Oh, jiminy, what fun! I've got Aunt Lucretia's two 
bottles of face paint, and I'm going to have a regular circus. Gee! 
there's Chollie. {runs and hides bottles under chair l. of c. door 

Choi. Ah! I have it at last! {dips pen in ink and lorites) My dar- 
ling adored Night — {finds diffi cult y in writing, dips pen again) engale. 
I cannot — {can't get pen to icrite, traces over it again) cannot — 

( icipes p)en and looks at it 

Rob. {stands c. with his hand over his mouth, and looks at Chollie out 
of the corners of his eyes — aside) I bet a nickel he's got that bottle I 
filled wath blackberry juice. I wanted to black my shoes, and that 
ink just made them look jimmy slicker. {Jiolds out foot 

Choi. My darling adored Nightengale, I cannot — {tries to icrite 
again) express my — {big blot goes on paper) Confound that ink! 
What's the mattah Avith it. It's just wuining that sheet. I'll wetire 
to the sanctity of my own apartment and there pour out my heart's 
gweat passion. {exit, r. e. 

Rob. {goes to table, takes up ink) Guess I'd better throw this out 
or they might suspect me of having something to do with it. {goes 
to c. E. icitJi ink and looks offi^.) Just the thing! There's a 'normous 



Tn[<] BUID FAMILY AND Til Kill FRIENDS. 5 

great big cat. So liore goes! {throws hniile off i,.) Gee! look at her 
run! {comeH bar i,\ tali fH bottles out from v»der c/iair) I'll take these 
down to the woodshed and use them to paint my sail boat. I've got 
something thai will do just as well for Aunt Luke. (exit, k., 2 e. 

Magpie, {otitoid.) Ha, ha, ha! Good joke, wasn't it? Well, good- 
bye girls. See you laiei'. 

Magpie appears in c. doorway, from l., leaves Iter handkerchief, throics a, 
kiss then enters. 

Such a time as I have had! A regular picnic! And what a glorious 
ioke we played on Bluster Crow, {pompously) Manager of the AVarblei- 
Opera Co. Ahem! Oh, it was fine! We girls and {duinurclii) a feu- 
gentlemen v/ere having just the nicest time in the Park, \\ lien, who 
should come up hut IMuster Crow, Esq. He immediately fastened 
upon me to brur his mlious company, and I just couldn't get rid of 
him. I gave him all sort., of hinLs, but they didn't work, and finally 
I got desperate. 1 loUl liim I here was a man motioning to him and 
pointed out the place, ihen just as soon as his back was turned, 
every mother's son ot iis took to our heels and ran. AVe went into 
]\rrs. Goldfinch's, (she lives right near the Park) and pretty soon he 
came walking by, looking in every direction, and we all sal up tluMn- 
watching him out of the window. Ha, ha, ha! Oh! it was too 
delicious to see the expression on his face — so lugubrious. After he 
had been gone some time, we came out, by a side street, and here 1 
am safe and sound. 

Enter, Robin, r., 2 e. 

Hello! mischief. 

Rob. Hello! Mag. Say, ma is going away at' 12 o'clock. I heard 
her sav she was. 

Ma,J. Where? 

Rol>. To see old Bald Eagle on business. 

_][i((j. Keally! {as.idc) There's a chance for Timmy. I'll writr 
to him and ha\e him come up while she is gone. Won't we have a 
gay lime here all by ourselves. Where's the ink? Ah! here is a. 
pencil, that will do. {sits at table 

Rub. (nsldr) I\ow what's she going to "do? 

May. [aside] 1 low shall 1 commence it. It wouldn't do to be too 
alfectionate. (irrdcs) -'Dear Timothy — ma — is going away at noon. 
Come — and — wc — will ha\e a line time— just us two. Be sure— and 
come— at twelve — o'clock sharp. Yours— Magpie." There! {fold- 
iiKj if) Dear me! 1 wonder if that fellow will ever get up the courage 
lo'ask me to marrv him. [to Robin) Robin! 

Rob. AVell? 

May. AVill you take this letter to Timmy? You know Avhere he 
woi'ks? 

Rob. Yes, I know. I don't go for nothing, though. 

.][a(j. [y/rcs him letlcr) AVhen you come back, there's a five cent 

l)iece— 

Rob. All right. I'll go. {runs out l.. 2 e. 

May. Oh! won't we Iuia e a picnic while ma is gone! Wouldn't 
she be mad if she knew Avhat I've done. Ha, ha! but can't help it. 
I must see Timnn-. 



6 THE BIRD FAMILY A NJ) THE IE FIIIENDS. 

Enter, Lucretia Peacock, r. e. 

Lucretia. {affectedly) What a perfectly delicious morning! The 
soft fleecy clouds are sailing languidly throughthe ethereal blue; the 
flowers are nodding their heads in the salubrious atmosphere and the 
birds — {looks out of icindow 

Mag. {aside) I wonder if she feels very bad. 

Luc. Why, who is that gazing at the house in that — that strange 
manner? 

Mag. I don't know. 

Luc. AVh}^ he is coming in! {aside) It must be one of my ad- 
mirers. 

Mag. {aside) Supposing it was one of my beaus. 

Enter, Hiram Gull, l. e., ^cit7l memorandum hook. 

Gull, {pretending to look at hook) Yes, this must be the place — 
{looks up) Beg pardon, ladies, but, {to Magpie) may I ask if this is 
the residence of Mrs. Powell Bird? 

Mag. Of course. 

Gull, {after a pause) Well, might I ask— 

Mag. Why certainly. 

Gull, {after another ptause, impatiently) Of course you needn't tell 
me unless you feel quite so disposed, my dear young lady. 

Mag. {demurely) You haven't asked me yet. 

Gull. Well then, will you please tell me — 

Mag. Certainly. 

Gull. Pshaw! Does Mrs. Powell Bird at present take' up her 
abode on these premises? 

Luc. {aside) What beautiful language? 

Mag. She does. 

Gull. I am an old friend of your father's. 

Mag. Who says so ? 

Gull. Why certainly you would not doubt my word. My name is 
Hiram Gull. And yours? 

Mag. Magdalena Clementina Bird, if it please you. {icltJi a loin 
hold) This is my aunt, Lucretia Peacock. 

Gull, {aside) The very one I'm after. 

Luc. {simpering) So happy to meet you, Mr. Gull, {aside) How 
very distinguished looking he is! 

Gull. Could I speak with your father, Miss Bird? 

Mag. My father! Why, my father has been dead for five years. 

Gull, {in astonishment) Dead! Js it possible! I never dreamed 
that my dear old friend was dead. 

Mag. {shreicdly) Then why did you -ask me if this was the resi- 
dence of Mrs. Powell Bird? 

Gull, {aside) I put my foot in it that time, {aloud— emharrassed) 
Why— you— see— I— er— why you see the fact is, we boys always had 
the greatest respect for Mrs. Bird, on account of her superior intel- 
lect and many excellent qualities, and got in the habit of speaking 
that way out of compliment to her, you see. 



THE Bin J) FAMILY AND THEIR FRIENDS, 7 

Enter, Robin, l., 3 k. 

Rob. {aside to Magpie) He's got it. (Magpie nod.'i 

Mag. Well, Mr. Gull, I'll inform my mother of your presenc*'. 
(to Robin) Robin, <i-o and fell ma that Mr. Hiram Gull is hero and 
wishes to see her. Of c<MU'se she will be delighted to see such an old 
friend of my father's, {aside) I don't believe he ever saw my father. 

{exit, Robin, ii. k. 

Luc. Jt must seem delightful. Mr. Gull, to think of meeting such 
a dear old friend as my sister, after so many years. 

Gull. Extremely, madam. She used to be a very charming 
woman. You are her sister, are you not? Ah! one need not ask. 

Mag. {aside) Taffy ! 

Luc. {simpering) Yes, it was always said that we were very much 
alike. 

Mag. {aside) Alike! Did you ever! 

Oull. Yes, I always liked Mrs. Bird, and she really seemed quiti- 
fond of me. , (Magpie makes a wry face 

Luc. {giving Mm siicit a look) I am sure she must have been. 

Gull, {aside) Hello! The old lady is getting rather lively. 

Enter, Robin, k. e. 

Roh. My ma says she ain't got any time to see any man, and 
'sides she says she never knew an.y one by the name of Gull, and 
doesn't want to, neither. 

Gull. Is it possible that she has forgulten me? I am indeed 
grieved. I had anticipated such a delightful time talking over old 
limes. 

Roh. And say, aunt, the man has come with your new wig. 

Luc. {gives a'^ scream) Oh! I — why — it must ^3e a mistake. I — 
really — Mr. Gull, excuse me just a moment till I go and see what it 
is the dear boy means. {exit, w. e., Robin runs out e., 2 e. 

Gull, {aside) Yes, I'll marry the old lady, wig and all. She's got 
lots of money. Tve ascertained that much. Of course Mrs. Da w^ 
I mean Gull — might object if she knew — but— she needn't know. 
{aloud) I think I"ll not wait for your charming aunt, but tell her I 
must see her again soon, Au revoir. {exit, l. e. 

Mag. Don't mind me. {runs to door and looks after liini) He's an 
old deceiver, that's what he is. 

Enter, Mrs. Bird, l. e., liat and shaid, Magpie comes down. 

Mrs. B. And now, I suppose, I've got to go and see that plague of 
a man. But first, I've got .something I want to say to you, and I 
want you to pay strict attention. 

Mag. {demureJif) Yes, mamma, I'm listening. 

Mrs. B. I notice that, notwithstanding, my repeated requests t(» 
the contrary. Quail still comes here, and that jow complacently 
receive his attentions. Xow I say, this thing must be stopped. 

Mag. Yes. mamma. 

Mrs. B. And I say, you must never have him come into this 
house again. Do you understand? 

Mag. Yes. mamma. 

J/r.v. B. If he does come liere again, there' Will be serious conse- 



S THE BIRD FAMILY AND THEIR FRIENDS. 

quences. {in a loud voice) Do you hear? 

Mag. {putting her hands to her ears) Yes, mamma. 

Mrs. B. And if Mr. Crow should come here, you are to treat him 
nicely, and try to be agreeable. 

Mag. Yes. mamma. 

Mrs. B. And should he ask you to go to the Opera or drive, you 
are to accept? 

Mag. Yes, mamma. 

Mrs. B. {going to door) Understand — if I ever catch that Quail 
here again I'll — I'll scald the hide off of him. 

Mag. Yes, mamma, {exit, Mrs. Bird, l., 2 e. — Magpie runs up 
to door, looks after her, makes a low bow) Yes, mamma, {watches a 
moment) There, she has turned the corner, and now I wonder if 
Timmy is anywhere in sight. {tur?is and looks off r. 

Enter, Servant, r. e., with rugs. 

Servant. The rugs have come, ma'am. Where shall I put them? 

Mag. Down on the floor by the wall, anywhere. (Servant peaces 
them on floor hy wall, tx., opposite taUe, then exit, r. e.) And here is 
Timmy. 

Enter, Timothy Quail, l. e. 

Timothy, (laying hat on table) Magpie, I don't like to come here 
when — when your mother's here. She looked at me like a thunder 
cloud the last time I was here, and I'm afraid of her. 

Mag. Afraid other! Ha, ha, ha! What a coward you are! I 
believe you are afraid of your shadow. 

Enter, Robin, l. , 2 e. 

(Magpie takes him by arm) Here, Robin, {leads him to c. e.) you go 
down there {points l.) and watch, and if you see ma coming, you 
just let me know. 

Rob. All right, {turns at door) Good-bye, Timmy. She didn't 
give me time to say, hello! {exit, l. e. 

Tim. Why, what's that for? 

Mag. Weil, you see, Timmy, -ma told me never to have you come 
into the house again. 

Tim. The d — euce she did! 

Mag. Yes, and she said if she ever caught you here again, she 
was going to scald the hide off of you, and use it for a bed quilt. 

Tim. Oh! by Jove, where's my hat? {sjiatrhes up hat and starts for 
door) I ca-can't stay here any longer. I — I've got business over 
town. ' 

Mag. {runs after him and brings him back to c.) Now see here, sir! 
behave yourself and put your hat back on the table, {he does so) 
Don't be frightened at such a trifle. I'm here and {folding her arms, 
mock heroic) I'll protect you! 

Tim. {looking in every direction) Supposing she should come. I — I 
don't see why she hates me so. 

Mag. I don't either. She has very bad taste. She don't lila- you 
a bit. But don't you care, I like you ever so much, {aside) There! 
that ought to fetch him. 

Tim, Oil! but it's awfully good of yon to say so. {she turns away 



TUB BIRD FAMILY AM) 'JUKI 11 FIirhJNBS. 9 

impatienlUj) Don't you Ihiiik I'd bellei- go now? 

Mag. Ko, don't you go till I tell you to. {aside) I'm going to see 
if I can't make him propose. 

Tim. Well, but— 

Mag. By the way, do you know there's going to be a grand 
masquerade ball at iMrs. Goletinch's three weeks from to-night, and 
Nightengale is goingto sing, and there'll be cake and ice cream, and 
obfjust lots of good things. Admission free— children half price— 
if you have an invilation. 

Tim. I'm going. Ar.'vou? 

Mag. Of course, if you do. {adde) There! 

Tim. Will you g;) with me? 

Mag. Yes, I V,' ill. {lo,il:.s up at him tenderly) I'd goanywhe.re with 
sou, Timmy. ((/.s-/(/() That ought to be plain enough, {aloud) 
"Well? 

Tim. {aside) Oh! if I only dared. Ihit I'm afraid to. {aloud) 
Well? 

Ma(i. {aside) Drat the man! Why don't he asic me to marry him. 
{al»(d) Well? 

Tom. We -11 what? 

Mag. {pouting) Xo thing — onl^-— 

Robin (ippears at c. B. 

Iiob. (dancing tip'and doicn) She's coming! she's comingi Hide, 
Timmy, hide! 

Tim. (runs around distractedly) Hide! Wliere the deuce shall 1 
hide? Oh! Magpie, what shalfl do? 

3Iag. {runs to rugs) Here, get under these, quick. I'll cover you 
up good. 

Timothy crawls under rugs, leaves hat on table, Magpie liurriedly ar- 
ranges rugs so that he is completely hidden. 

liob. {at door) She's pretty near here! (runs off j{, -e. 

Magpie hurriedly ssts l. of table, snatches up booh cmd pretends to be 
reading. 

Enter, Mrs. Bird, c. e. 

Mrs. B. There! that's settled, and I do hope that man will let me 
alone for a while, {takes off cap t) Magpie, has anyone been here 
M'hile I was out? (pause, ^Ia.G'piv. pretends to be readijig and does not 
answer — a little louder) Has an.yone been here. Mag[)ie? (Magpie does 
not answer — very loudly) Magpie! are you deaf! 

3Iag. (starting) Eh? Why mamma, when did you get back? 
AVere you speaking to me? 

3frs. B. Speaking to you! I've been shrieking at you for the last 
live minutes. 

Mag. And I was so interested in my book tluit I didn't hear you. 

Mrs. B. AYhat book have you got? Some novel I presume. 

Mag. Oh! no, not a novel. It is--( A^o/-///// Ji ureii dig ut title— aside 
in consternation) Best Family Cook Book, (ahud) It is a treatise on 
the collaberation of ingredients for mastication and absorption. 

Mrs. B. What's that ? Give it here, (snatches book and loehs cd title) 



10 THE BIllD FAMILY AXB THEIR FRIENDS. 

A cook book! You little gormandl Can't you think of anything ex- 
cept something to eat? 

Mag. Yes, mamma. 

Mrs. B. Aren't you ashamed of yourself to be so interested in a 
cook book that you can't hear your own mother speak to'youV 
Aren't yoLi ashamed, I say? 

Mag. Yes, mamma. 

Mrs. B. Don't ever let me catch you reading a cook book again. 
You'll never need it. Mr. Crow's wife will never need to study a 
cookbook, {aside) Getting ready to marry that' idiot, Timothy 
Quail, I suppose, {aloud— going to table and pickiny up hat) Who's 
liat is this? 

Mag. {aside) Timmy's hat. {aloud) Why — I don't know — it — it 
must be Robin's that he has left here. 

3I?'s. B. I'll take care of it for him. (taJces up hat, going toward 
door, sees rugs) Oh! my rugs have come, have they? I think I'd 
better take them up stairs w^ith me. {starts for rugs 

Servant appears at c. e., announces. 

Servant. Mr Crow. 

E7iter, Bluster Crow, l., 2 e. 

Mrs. B. {going toward Crow) Why Mr. Crow, I'm so glad to see 
you. 

Mag. {aside) That was a close call. 

Crow. And I you. Miss Magpie, yours devotedly. {hows 

Mag. Delighted to see you, I'm sure, Mr. Crow, {aside) For once 
in my life. 

Mrs. B. I should like to remain with you, but I have somethings 
which must be attended to, but Magpie. will entertain you. {aside) 
I'll leave them along. {exit,-R. e. 

Groio. Miss Magpie, why did you all run away from me, this 
morning? 

Mag. Run away? Why, Mr. Crow, how could you think it of us. 
AVe got lost in the crowd, and when we got out, we couldn't find you 
anywhere. 

OroiD. I didn't find that man who was motioning to me. 

Mag. No ? Now strange ! 

Grow. No, I didn't. Oli! by the way. {takes invitation from pocket) 
Here is something for you. {reads) "You are cordially invited to at- 
tend a grand masquerade ball, given at the residence of Mrs. 
Goldfinch, Sept 5th., under the superintendance of Bluster B. Crow, 
Manager of the Consolidated Warbler Opera Co. ' ' Ahem ! "A selec- 
tion will be rendered by Nightengale " I don't think I'll read 

the rest, {hands it to Jier) I wrote up those invitations myself. 
Ahem! 

Mag. And it is so well done too. {lays it on taUe, aside) I must 
get rid of him some way. 

CroiD. Thank you, thank you. Miss Magpie. You cover me witli 
confusion. 

Mag. {aside) And poor Tim my is covered with rugs. 

Enter, Robin, r., 2 e., Crow stands looking at rugs. 

{aside ^oRoBm) Glo out and scare Mr. Crowds horses. Play on a tin 
pan, hit them with something, anything so they will run away. 



THE BlllD FAMILY AND THE III FRIENDS. It 

(exit, Robin, l., 2 e.) I've got you fixed. 

Crooi. What pretty rugs! And what a large pile of them. They 
are almost as beautiful as those I use in the oriental scene of my 
new opera tliat I wrote myself. Ahem! 

Mag. Yes. thi'v are very valuable (aside) just now. 

Crow. 1 used lo see some very fine ones in my extensive travels 
East, and became quite oriental in my fondness for them. I think 
a number of tliem make a more comfortable seat even than a fauteuil. 
Ahem! (s-its on rugs, Mxgfie gives a scream, C^o^ jumping up) My 
dear Miss Magpie, what is the matter? 

Mag. It — it w^as just a pain — a crushing pain in my heart, that's 
all. 

CroiD. (anxiously) Are you better? Did you ever have it before? 

Mag. Never! It was like a terrible weight upon my heart, (aside) 
And upon Timm3^ (aloud) It almost took my breath away, (aside) 
And I guess it must have taken Timmy's quite away. 

Crow. Is there nothing I can do for yoxxl Depend upon it, my 
life is at your service. 

Mag. Thanks, no nothing. The— the pressure is removed now. 
(looks at Ciiow and laughs) Don't look so desperate, Mr. Crow, I'm 
not dying, I'm quite recovered. 

Ct'oio. But if you only knew the anxiety, the — (great noise outside) 
Good heavens! what is that? 

Enter, Robin, c. e.7 hastily. 

Bob. Oh! Mr. Crow, Mr. Crow, your horses have run away, they — 

Croic. "What! my horses! The deuce! (exit, c. t:., Jiastily 

Mag. Ha, lui. ha! That was a good trick. I say Robin, you'll 
liiid another five cent piece on Ihe mantle in the dining room — 

h'ob. All right. (exit, e. e.. 

Tint, (.sticks head out) Is he gone? 

Mag. Entirely. You can come out now. 

Filter, Robin, b. e., and runs out c. e. 

Tim. (crawls out) Then I'm off, but my hat is gone. By jovel 
I'll get sun burned; can't stay here though. Good-bj'e. 

(exit, R. e.. hurriedly 

May. Ha, ha, ha! Look at him run! like a lunatic, and everyone 
turns to look at him. I'm going up staiVs and \\ atcli him out of the 
window. (exit, l. e., on a run 



Enter, Robin, e. e., icith the two bottles. 




LIS LllU (JL'llCl lUi IICI. jnHLI JL J^Ub Ot^lllC KJL '^IJUlliC -5 1CV.I i 1 US. lOr tlllS 

other bottle. It won't fade out near so quick as tliat she had. Gee! 
won't it be a picnic though! (exit, l. e. 

Enter, Luceetia, e. e. 

Luc. It's perfectly heart-rendering that he should have gone be- 
fore I could get back. And I am sure he admired me. I could see 



12 THE BIRD FAMILY AXI) THEIR nUENDS. 

it in liis every glance. Heigh-ho! I wonder when I will see him 
again. 

Enter, Serya:n^t, l., 2 e. 

Servant. A letter, ma'am. {exit, j.., 2-e.. 

Luc. {snatrltes letter and looks at it) A letter— from him! Oh rap- 
lure! I kiipw 1 should hear from him soon, {reads) "My dear 
madam, 1 h<;[)(' you wiU pardon my luisty departure to-day. "But I 
liiid that your charming- persoiKilily lias made sucli au impression 
upon my lieart, tiial Icaiiiioi i-.>>i uniij L see you auTiiii. 1 implore 
Noulosend mea favorabli' ri'[yi> . .V .\ai 1 iiig- your answer with burn- 
ing impatience, 1 am yours (l<'\(ii!';!ly. Jliram Uull."' The dear 
man! i Icnew he lo\t^d luc i"JI answer at once, [sits at table and 
xflzcfi pen) Jusc to thinlc of it! Sucli a distinguished gentleman! 
••My dear Mr. Gull, it will give me the most exquisite pleasure to re- 
ceive 3'ou. Come at four o'clock. Your own Jjucretia. {rings hell) 

Enter, Servant, i.., 2 e. 

Take this letter to Mr. Gull. (Servant hows and exit, l., 2 e.) And 
now I must go and touch ui3 m}' toilet a bit. {exit, l. e. 

Roh. (sticks head ill door) Touch up her toilet! It's put on an 
extra coat of whitewash she means. {disappears 

Enter, Kightengale Thrush, r. e. 

Niglit. At last I have escaped them all! And now to read this 
letter which came an hour ago, and which I have not had a chance 
to look at till now. {sits on sofa and reads 

Enter, Magpie, l. e., tiptoes softly vp heland Nightengale. 

Mag. Reading a love letter? 

Night, {springing up, puts letter hehind her, is a little e^nharrassed) 
Ah! Magpie. 

Mag. Yes, at your service. Oh! you needn't hide your letter now. 
I've seen it, and you needn't blush so about it either, {shyly) I — I 
get them sometimes myself. It is a love letter, isn't it? I know it 
is. 

Night. Oh! if you know it, there is no use of denying it. I've 
half a mind to tell you all about it. 

Mag. Do! I'll never tell a soul. 

Night. This isn't exactly a love letter, because I — well I never saw 
the gentleman wlio wrote it. 

Mag. Y^ou didn't! That's strange. Why is he writing to you 
then? 

Night. Why, you see, in a spirit of jest, I began writing to him 
through a correspondence Bureau. I called myself Skylark, and he 
wrote to me under the name of Mr. Primrose. I have been writing 
to him nearly six months, and his letters are delightful. He is a 
Boston gentleman and seems ver^^ well educated. 

Mag/ My! It sounds like a story book! 

Nigltt. And now listen! He is to-day in this city, staying at the 
Victoria, and he wishes to see me. 



77//-; lUlU) FAMILY AM) Til Hill FItIKNI)<. LJ 

^f<l(J. Whafs his real name? Do you know? 

Xifjht. {loi>h-iii(/ ((t letter) Gustavus Oriole. 

Mi'i(/. Of coui'st' you'll see him? 

Xifj/it. I do not Think so, for I do not wish him to know who I am. 
Jlt^ iias some very straight laced ideas about wonicii. llcliatt-s 
public sing-ers, and detests all actresses heaiMily, and 1, asyou know. 
H.m both. 

Mag. J)ear me. that's akward. {suddc/th/) I've got an idea. 

Mght. Really: 

M(if/. Yes, and it's all my own too. Til li'II you how to manage* 
il. You write to him and I'll have the siM-va::L take the note and 
bring him back with him, and Avhen he gets here, 1 will be Skylark 
Mid receive him, and he will never know llie difference. 

\i(jht. But 1 scarcely think that would be right. 

Mag. Who's straight-laced now? It won't harm a tlea — 

Xiglit. But he Avould discover the deception, tor he knows I am 
twenty-one, and you are only seventeen, and young for your age at 
that. 

^[ag. I'll be very demure and dignified. I'll deceive him too nice 
tor anything. I'll put my hair on top of my head and— 

Xight. Very well. It shall be as you say. {goes to table and takes 
ven, ■icrite.s) "Mr. Oriole, dear sir" — 

Mag. Oh! dear me, how formal. 

Xight. You must remember we have never met. (writes) ''I shall 
be pleased to see you at my home this afternoon. Will send this by 
my servant. You can return with him. Hoping to see you soon, I 
am — " {pauses 

M'ig. {dictating) Yours until death. 

yig/tt. Oh! no. not at all. {writes) "Yours truly" — sign this and 
you can put Skylark after it in jiarenthesis. (Magpie sigiu 

Mag . T h H r f' ' 1 1 1 at" s d o n e . {strikes bell 

Enter, Servant, l., 2 e. 

Take this note to the hotel across the way, inquire for Mr. Oriole, 
give it to him. and bring him back with you. Go quickly, {exit, 
Servant, l.. 2 e.) And now to x)repare for tlie great event — the ar- 
« rival of the Hon. Gustavus Oriole, Esq. 

{gathers hair up on top of head 

Xight. I am almost sorry I consented. 

Mag. Xow Gaylie, don't. It's no harm. When he comes, I will 
receive him, and you will be in the other room with mamma. After 
a while you can come in and 1 will introduce my friend, Miss 
Thrush, so you can have a chance to see and talk to him. 

Xiyht. That will be delightful. 

Mag. And I'll call myself Magdalen Bird — not Magpie, mind, and 
I'll call you. Gaylie. And now, Nightengale, [shaking her finger) 
there's just one thing, don't go and fall in love with this Mr. Oriole. 

Xight. Ha. ha, ha! I fall in lo\e! J, who have traveled the world 
over, who has seen nearly every type of man under the sun, and 
escaped unscathed. Oh! no, impossible. 

Mag. Not at all. Xow. he may be the very one — 

Serv((nt. (outside) This way, sir! 

Xight. I declare, here they come alread3\ I must become invis:- 
We for a time. Remember your part. {exit, r. e. 



IJf. THE BIRD FAMILY ASD THEIR FRIEXUS. 

Mag. Now Magdalen, don't forget that yon are twenty-one years 
Did. {dts at table 

Enter, SehyajsT and Gustayus Okiole, l., 2 e. 

Servant, {announcing) Mr. Oriole. {exit, i,., 2 e. 

Mag. {rising quickig ami ojfering her liand) Mr. Oriole, so glad you 
came', (aside) My! Isn" I lie handsome! 

On.siaru.s. [Inking her hand) My delightful correspondent, {aside) 
AVhat a sweet innocent face I 

Mag. I have enjoyed your letters so much. 

Qii8. {both sit at table) And I yours. But I can scarcely realize that 
this is indeed my correspondent. 

3fag. {aside) Neither can I. 

Gus. You look so very young for twenty-one. 

Mag. Yes, everyone takes me for about seventeen, {aside) Strange 
too. {aloud) I supiDOse it is because I'm so inexperienced. T have 
seen so little of the world. 

Ous. Why, I thought you said you traveled. 

Mag. {aside) Never vras outside of New York in my life, {aloud) 
Oh! yes, I traveled with a cii;)ri table institution. But I see little of 
the gay thoughtless world. {sighs 

Gus'. {aside) So young and yet so thoughtful. 

Mag. And I'm always so glad to get home again. 

^Gus. You seem to be a very great home bird. You will make 
■omeone a good wife some day. 

Mag. {rising) Yes, so Timmy says, {suddenly remembering) I — I 
mean so my brother says, and my mother. 

Gus. {starting up in amaze) Your brother! And your mother! 
Why, did you not tell me that you w^ere an orphan and alone in the 
world ? 

Mag. Oh! I forgot to tell you sir! It is the strangest thing — like 
a fairy tale. Until two weeks ago, I thought I was alone in the 
world, but through an unforseen chain of circumstances, I found I 
had a mother and two brothers living, {aside) Pretty near put my 
foot in it then. 

Gus. You were fortunate. 

Mag, Yes, my younger brother is a dear little pet. 

Gus. And the other one? 

Mag. He's out of sight — {quickly) in his room you know, 

Gus. {aside) How strange she acts! {aloud) Did you read that 
book I sent you? {music outsid9 

Mag. You mean — {sits at \i. of table 

Gus. IlPenseroso. {sits Jj. of table 

Mag. {aside) Eel poundser oh so. What is that? Must be that 
new eel soup, they're talking so much about, {aloud siceetly. leans 
across table) Oh! yes, and I've eaten it, too. 

Gus. Eaten it? {rises 

Mag. {rises) Yes, isn't it delicious? 

Gus. Beg pardon, I w^as speaking of Milton's II Penseroso. {aside) 
She doesn't seem a bit like her letters. 

Mag. Oh! pardon me. I know now what you mean, that music 
outside distracted me so, that I didn't know what you were saying 
to me. I am passionately fond of music. 



77//; liini) FAMirA' AND TllFLll FllltJNDlS. 15 

Has. You sing, do you not? 

Mag. Ohl no, I can't sing, {turns vpoii him suddenly with arms 
outstretched) But I can dance ! I can dance the ^\<.— {starts to illustrate, 
then remembers and draws hei'self np icith a jerk, demurely) the kermis 
:ind the waltz 

Gus. But I thought you said you loved to sing. 

Mag. I do: But then {shyly) nobody likes to listen to me. 

Mght. {oj}A\.) Very well, I shall do so. {appears at door v..) Good- 
bye, Mrs. Bird. :Magdalen, I— {pauses at door) I— I beg pardon— I— 

Mag. Come in Gay lie. 

Enter, Nightengale, r. b. 

Mr. Oriole, my friend, Miss Thrush. {they how 

Night. So glad to meet you, Mr. Oriole, {a^de) How very hand- 
some. 

Gus. And I you. {aside) What a beautiful girl I 

Mag. Miss Thrush is my dearest friend, and I assure you she is 
just as good as she is beautiful. 

JSfight. {laughing) Isn't she a sweet lilUe liallerer, Mr. Primrose? 
{sees her mistake and makes a gesture of dismay 

Gus. {astonished) Mr.— Primrose? 

Mag. {quickly) I liave told her of our innocent little corre- 
spondence, Mr. Oriole, and she sees no harm in ir. Do you Gaylie? 

Gus. You — you have read my letters to her? 

Mag. {emphatically) Oh! no, I w^ouldn't do that. 

Sight. And I w^ould not ask her to, Mr. Oriole, you may be sure. 

Mrs. B. {outside) Magpie! Mag-pie! 

Mag. Excuse me just a moment, Mr. Oriole. My mother is calling 
me. Y'es, mamma. {exit, r. e. 

Gus. A very sweet little girl, {picks up invitation) What is this? 
A grand masquerade ball at Mrs. Goldfinch's. She is an old friend 
of mine. {tliey sit at table 

Night. Then you will be there? 

Gus. Perhaps, {reads) "A selection will be rendered by Nigh- 
y e n gal e . ■ ' (Nightengale watches him closely 

Night. Y^ou have heard her, iDerhaps? 

Gus. No, never. They say she is as celebrated for her beauty as 
for her voice. Have you seen her? 

Night. Y"es. {aside) Once or twice. 

Gus. And is she as beautiful as they say? 

Night, {embarrassed) I — I scarcely like to give an opinion on that 
subject, Mr. Oriole. 

Gus. Because she is not beautiful in your ej^es, I see. That type 
of woinan is never attractive to such as you. 

Night. Why so? What do you mean by "that type of women"? 

Gus. A woman who leads a life of publicity. A woman w^ho 
Haunts her beauty before the eyes of the Avorld. In a word, an 
actress. 

Night. Y'ou seem very much prejudiced against the poor actresses. 

Gus. Because I know what they are— the life they lead. An 
actress is a degradation to herself and a disgrace to society\ 

Night, {momentarily forgetting herself) Sir! {rises 

Gus. {also rising) I beg pardon if I spoke too emphatically. But 



16 THE BIllB FAMILY AND THE IB BBlENBB. 

of what possible interest can it be to 3'ou? 

Night, {recollecting Jierself ■ None, except you — 3'ou were a little 
severe, that is all. 

Oils, {aside) Perhaps some relative of hers is in the profession. 
{aloud) I am very sorry that 1 spoke as I did. But my opinion of 
such women is very poor. You will XJardon my rudeness? 

Night, {quickly) Yes, oh 3'es, of course, it is nothing to me. 

Ous. {Jiolds out hand) Then shall we be friends? 

Night, {places her hand in. hiii, sloidy) If you wish it. 

Ous. Then that is settled. 

Night, (aside) Ought I to accept his friendship, leaving him in 
ignorance? Ali! well, it is only a joke, any way. {aloud) Yes, it is 
settled, and v.c ;-. re friends until you yourself break the compact. 
But I cannot w;;,ii for Magdalen any longer. I have a rehear — some 
work on hand anel must go. 

Gus. Allow me to escort you. 

Night. But Miss Bird— 

Enter, Magpie, k. e. 

3Iag. Doesn't object in the least. 

Night, Very well, then. Good-bye, dear. 

3fag. Good-bye. 

Giis. I shall see you again, soon, I hope. Miss Bird. 

(GusTAvus l>o/r.'< — exit, Gustavus and Nightengale, L. , 2 e., taVcing 

Mag. {looking after them) Tliere they go like twin turtle doves. 
He looks down in her face and she smiling up into his. Oh! aren't 
they just taken up with each otlier thougiil (Lucretia 7^ga?'(^ shriek- 
ing outside — site continues louder and louder, till her entrance) What on 
earth is that? Sounds like a hyena! 

Enter, Chollie, l. e. 

Choi. Whatdweadful deed is being p^rpetwated in our vewy 
midst? 
Luc. {outside) Oh, oh, oh! 

Enter, Robin, r. , 2 e. 

Bol). {aside) Aunt's been trying some of her new face paint. 

Enter, Mrs. Bird, r. e. 

Mrs. B. Where's that dreadful howling? Sounds like a screech 
owl. 

Omnes. What ever can it be? 

{all search under the table, behind sofa, etc. 

Enter, Lucretia, l. e., on a run, shrieking, her wig is on crooked, a 
large bright red spot on each cheek, face covered loith flour. 

Luc. Oh, oh, oh! It won't come off ! It won't come ojEf! {scrub- 
bing at cheek) Oh, oh, oh! {scrubs again 
Bob. What's the matter, aunt? Got a pain? 
Luc. It w^on't come off, I sa.y. Oh, oh, oh! 



THE niRD FAMILY A.W TllElll FRIENDS. 17 

Enter, Gull, l., 2 e. 
Gull MyJ.dear madam. I- (Mops in amaze 

LucRETiA seeinyhim, shrieks and faints in Ciiollie's arms, he supports 
her with difficulty— all stand looking at her in amase— Robin, l., 
laughing. 

CmtTAIK 



ACT II. 

SCENE.— Boom at Mrs. Goldfinch's home— evening— rich furniture, 
curtains c. door, hacked by interior; door r. lack, leading to conserva- 
tory, door L. . take l. with large j^lants, tete L. front, chairs, etc. , large 
mirror r. front. 

Enter, Nightengale and Gustavus, r., 2 e., ^oith long cloaks on, cdn- 
cealing costumes. 

Night. I am afraid we are late. 

Ou^. I think we are a little. Then you will not let me know what 
3^our costume is? 

Night, (gayly) Oh: no, I couldn't think of telling you. Besides, 
isn't turn about fair play ■' You have not told me ^v^lat you represent. 

Gus. {eagerly) It you will— 

Night. Thanks, no. (goes to door and looks of l. ) I wOnder who all 
is here. 

Gus. (sarcastically) I wonder if the much advertised Nightengale, 
queen of song is here yet. 

Night, (comes to tete and sits, aside) . I think she is. 

Gus. She sings to-night, does she not? 

Night. I — I believe so. 

Gus. I wonder what she is like. Have you ever spoken to her? 

Nigh'J. Oh! yes, I have talked with her several times. 

Gus. Is she such a fine singer? 

Night, (after a slight pause) Her voice is very well trained. 

Gus. She is married I have heard. 

Night. Oh! no, you are mistaken. She is no more married than 
I am. But, by the Ava}^; if j^ou should be introduced to her, what 
would you do ? 

Gus. I would treat her politely, but would excuse myself as soon 
as good breeding would i3ermit. 

Night Ah: (aside) I shall know what to expect, (aloud) Sup- 
posing, Mr. Oriole, that I should be, that is, become an actress, what 
then? 

Gus. You would not be an actress. 

Night. Why not? 

Gus. You would not lead the life they do. 

Night, (leaning toiimrd him, impetuously) And yet I am — (pauses, 
aside) Ko. I cannot tell him. 

Gus. What is it? 

Night. Nothing now. Go and prepare yourself to join the motley 
throng. 



la THE BIRD FAMILY AND THEIR FRIENDS. 

Ous. I shall anxiously a^yait unmasking- time, when I may return 
to you. 

Night. Ah! when you have heard this Ni.ijhtengale sing, you will 
desert me {aside) I fear. 

Gus. {catcJiing her hand, reproachfully) Gaylie! {she draws herself 
up haughtily) I beg- pardon, Miss Thrush. I forgot myself. Will 
you pardon me? 

Night. Yes— this time, 

Gus. I promise not to offend again, {going) Adieu, till unmask- 
ing time, {aside, at door) She little knows how dear she has become 
tome. {exit, -L., 2 v.. 

Night, {rises, tJirows off cloak) Strange that he should not ha\(' 
discovered my identity long before this. We have met at Mr^s. Bird's 
nearly every day; it is unaccountable that no one has told him. And 
to-night he will know me for what I am — an actress, a public singer. 
Jt will be a good joke to see his aristocratic nose elevated in disgust 
— to see the look of polite horror on his face; and yet — somehow I — I 
cannot bear to think of it. {exit, l. e. 

Enter, Mrs. Goldfinch, l., 2 e., mask in hand. 

Mrs. G. Dear me! I must say that the position of hostess at a 
mask ball is no sinecure. I am tired already, {goes to tete, listens) 
Someone is coming. {puts on mask, sits 

Enter, GtjLL, l. e., masked. 

It's that arrant flatterer that I danced with half an hour ago. 

Gull. Ah! my delightful partner, I am most happy to find you. 

Mrs. G. Thanks, {aside) I wonder' who he is anyway, (aloud) 
Do you know I can't make out who you are. I am acquainted with 
nearlj^ all the guests, but really, I don't recognize you. 

Gull. I will tell you this much. I Avas a great friend of Mrs. 
Goldfinch's deceased husband. 

Mrs. G. Indeed! {aside) I don't remember any such a friend. 
{aloud) Then of course you are acquainted with Mrs. Goldfinch? 

Gull. Not to any great extent. In fact, I was not formally invited 
to this ball, but being such a great friend of Mrs. Goldfinch's hus- 
band, I made free to come any way on the strength of that friend- 
ship, 

M'S. G. {aside) Rather a cool proceeding, {aloud) Ah! yes, I 
see. By the way, do you know who I am. 

Enter, Lucretia, l. e., masked, steps lehind plant and listens. 

Gull. I do not. I only know that you are a beautiful woman. 

Luc. {tears off mask and glares at him — aside) Oh! the vile deceit- 
ful wretch! 

Mrs. G. How do you know that? 

Gull, {gallantly) If your face is as charming as your manner, 
and I feel sure it is, it must be indeed lovely. 

Luc. {aside) I shall evaporate! 

Mrs. G. You are flattering me, Mr. who-ever-you-are. 

Gull. Not at all. I assure you I never enjoyed anyone's society 
so much in my life. 



THE niUD FAMILY AM) Tll/'JIIi FRIENDS. 10 

Luc. {aside) After all his protesUilions oi undying adoration to 
mo. The heartless deceiver! 

Mrs. G. {rmng) Ha, ha, ha! Oh! that is too much. 

\hiU. iSut really— .. ^t t i i, i 

Mrs G. No more, p':':..?.se. I can t endure it. No, 1 shall be 
obliged to leave you, sir! Too much taffy is liable to make one ill, 
vou know, {at c. e.) Au revoir, sweetmeats. {exit, l., 3 e. 

' Gull. A very strange woman, but decidedly charming. (Lucretia 
comes out ami confronts kirn) Lucretia! you here! {aside) The deuce! 

Luc. Yes, I've heard all— all! Oh! you deceitful, wretched, base, 
vile — 

Gull But my dear— 

Luc. Silence! Don't say a word! {shakes Mm) You dreadful, 
awful, horrible man! You false perjured sinner! After all your 
. protestations to me — 

Gull. My dear Luc-retia— 

Magpie appears at c. door, maslc in hand, runs behind plants and listens. 

Luc. {giving him another shake) Keep still, I say. After you swore 
you loved me alone — 

Gull. I assure you — 

Luc. Don't try to excuse yourself. Didn't I see you with that-r- 
that creature's hand in 3-ours? Didn't I hear you tell her she was 
beautiful — {shakes him again 

Gull. But — {aside) Slie's shaking the life out of me. 

Luc. Didn't I hear you say you never enjoyed any one's society 
so well in your life — you wretch! 

Gull. Except yours, my Lucretia. {aside) Especially at the 
present moment. i 

Luc. Haven't I told you to keep silent? {gives Mm another shake) 
You contemptible worm ! 

Gull. I SAvear to you — 

Luc. Not another word! I'll never forgive you. Oh, Hiram! you 
have broken my poor heart! 

{puts handkerchief to face and hurriedly exits, r. e. 

Gull, {draws a long breath) Am I all here? If that wasn't a hurri- 
cane. I'd like to know w^hat is. Well, I suppose I must go and effect 
a reconciliation w^th the old ladj'. {exit, r, e. 

Mag. {comes out) My! What a tempest in a teapot — and all on 
account of a little jealousy. It seems to make people very eloquent. 
{as if struck by an idea) I'll do it! I'll flirt with Crow till Timmy is 
so jealous he can't see straight. May be then he will get up spunk 
enough to propose. {puts on mask 

Enter, Crgw, l. , 2 e. 

CroiD. {rubbing Ids hands) Everything is moving along smoothly. 
I flatter myself that my management has been a success. 

Mag. How d'ye do, Mr. Crow. 

CroiD. Who speaks? Ah! I see. But I do not recognize you. It 
is strange too, as I flatter myself that my powers of divination are 
extensively developed. 

Mag. {aside) I wonder how many dictionarys he ate for dinner. 



20 THE Bill D FAMILY AND THEIR Fill ENDS. 

{aloud) No matter "who I am. Why are vou not masked? 

Croio. Well, you see, lam the manager, the director, the — {leaving 
his hands) the general superiiitendaiit ot tliis brilliant enterprise. 
and. the attendant responsibilities ^vl]ich devolve upon me, Avould 
render a costume an inconvenient and supertiuous incumbrance. 

Mag. Oh! is that all? 

Croio. I think I begin to get an inkling of your identity. 

Mag. Do you though? 

Croofi. I think you are my little Magpie. 

Mag. You are mistaken, Mr. Crow. 

Crow. Why, ar^-n't you Miss Magdalen Bird? 

Mag. Yes, but ihaJ doesn't give you any claim to me. 

Croio. Unkind as (^er, Ma.gpie. 

Mag. Of course, {lakes off mask) But 1 say, Mr. Crow, aren't you 
afraid some of those revolving responsibilities may get away, if you 
don't attend to them? 

Crow, Scarcely, I think. 

Mag. But I'm sure I see Mrs. Goldfinch' searching for you. Of 
course she's afraid everything will go to smash the minute you are 
out. 

CroiD. Perhaps you are right. Ah! me, it is a great responsibility, 
such an affair. Au re voir, my dear. {exit, l., 2 e. 

Mag. "My dear!" listen to that, Avill you. 

Enter, Nightengale, l. e., masked. 

Mag. Ah ! here you are. 

Night, {takes off^ mask) Yes! 

Mag. How are you enjoying yourself? 

Night, {going to tete) Oh! very well. I'm very tired. 

Mag. And a little low spirited too, eh? 

Night, {nervously) Oh! no, I think not. 

Mag. But you are, just because you've got to sing to-night. Does 
Mr. Oriole know who you are yet ? 

Night. No. I feel as if I ought to have told him long before this, 
but somehoAV I— couldn't bring myself to do it. 

Mag. {leaning over tete and looking into her face) Say, you aren't 
falling in love with him, are you? 

Night, {quickly, turning away a little) Oh! no. 

Mag. Well, that's a good thing, {aside) But I don't believe it, 
just the same, {aloud) By the way, I witnessed a cyclone a little 
while ago. 

Night. A what ? 

Mag. Cyclone, hurricane, tornado. Aunt Lucretia saw Mr. Gull 
talking to another woman. 

JSfight. Mr. Gull? The one I saw with her nearly all the evening? 

Mag. The very one. 

Night. Why should she care? 

Mag. Why, they're engaged, goosie. 

Night. Engaged I Impossible! 

Mag. But it isn't. They've been engaged for three days. 

Night. And he calls himself, Mr. Gull? 

Mag. Yes. Why? 

Night. Nothing, only the name suits him. 



TRE BIRD FAMILY AND THE 111 FllIENDS. 21 

Mag. Sol think. IJslen! I hear someone coming, (goesi,., 
looks off) It's that Gull. I'm going to run, Kiglitengale. I don't 
want to see him. I detest that man. 

Exit, Magpie, l., 2 e. — 1^igiitk:sgai.¥. rises, puts on mash, goes to mirror 
and arranges her hair. 

Enter, Gull, l. e. 

Gull. At last I have escaped her. The reconciliation was worse 
than the shaking, {sees Nightengale) Ah! Avhat a beautiful 
woman, or rather, what a hatKlsonie costume! I wonder who she is. 
( Nightengale starts to go back tmrurd \.., drops fan, Guhi. picks it v])) 
Allow me to return your fan, iiuidam. 

Night. Thank you very much. 

Gull. Not at ail. It is a pleasure to serve the fair. Pardon me, 
but are you engaged for this dance? 

Night. I am not. 

Gull. "Will you dance it with me? 

Night. I think not. I am too tired, Mr. Gull. 

Gull. Mr. Gull! You know me then? 

Night. I know j^ou call yourself Mr. Gull. I also know, that it is 
not your name. 

Gull. Who are you, madam? 

NigJit. It matters not. I know you. Youleaveyour helpless wife 
and children to starve, Avhile you live in luxury, how obtained, 
heaven only knows. In no honest way, that is certain. 

Gull. How do you know this? 

Night. That I know it, is enough. 1 know, even now, you are 
planning a new alliance; in a word, you intend to marry the wealthy 
Lucretia Peacock, leaving the wife you promised to love and cherish, 
to die in the streets. But your change of name has not protected 
you; I know you, Hiram Daw. 

Gull. And what if that is my name? "What \\ill 3'ou do? 

Night. Do! Put a stop to your infamous plan. 

G^ll. You cannot do it. 

Night, Cannot! I can send you to prison. 

Gull. To prison! 

Night. Ay, to prison. Forgery is a sufficiently serious charge to 
take you there. Did you think for one moment, I would not find out 
that you forged-my name? 

Gull. Your name! Then you are — 

Night, {removing mask) Nightengale Thrush, at your service. 

Gull. Great heavens! But you will not betray me? 

Night. For the sake of your wife, my poor 'friend Lucy. I will 
keep silent — on one condition. 

Gull. And that? 

Night. That you at once relinquish this scheme, and return to 
.your wife. 

Gull As it must be then, I will {aside) not. {aloud) Shall we 
shake luxnds? 

N((jht. {coldly) I should prefer not. 

GuU. Just as you say. An revoir, my beautiful enemv. {aside) 
\ oil shall pay dearly for that stroke, my lady. '{exit, r. e. 

Night. AVill he keep his promise? I doubt it. But I have him in 



« THE BUID FAMILY AND THEIR FRIENDS. 

pToAT;w^n\:':°te^ile^^ "^ Wse.„oteve„„,,aflectio„,or 
-E'^ito', Mrs. Goldfinch, l. e., masked. 

Mrs. G. I'm tired to death,'and I'm ffoino- to Ye^\ n fpw rv^^w,. . 
iiow before the musicale. No matter it^the" whoTe thfn J n^nf ^^' 
isztsontete) Dear me! A ball is a very ni^e hi I fut^ ^^^^^^^^^ 
monotonous after awhile. J^^nug, out it gets 

Magpie n';2fZ Chollie appear atL.,2 e., J^j.V^ viasJced. 
Mag (pomtmo to Mrs. Goi.i>Fmcn) There she is! (exit j. 2e 
you! ■ ^^^''^'"^^^''^^'^''■^^' ''^«^%) Atlast,mytweasure, Ihav^'found 
Mrs. G. (looks up)) Eh? 
Choi. I said, at last I have found you. 
Mrs. G. Well! What of it? 

<7A^^. What of it: I have been searching for vou all thi. Inn. 
long weary evening. ° -^ ^^^ ^^^^^ ^0"g: 

JTr^ 6^ Forme? (puts liand on losovi) Me'' 
ga£ '' '"''''"' ''''''^"-^- ^^' ^«^ can't deceive me, lighten- 

il/^'5. G^. (aside) Niffhteno-ale' nhnliio "r^./i rm / , 

AVho art thou, OApolfo. Disdose th°"elf ' " ^''^"- '■"'"'"^> 

Ch^Ue BirT'' "^"'"'^ "'"^ ""''^ "" '"'' ""'''> ^'»« 'l^™'e<i slave, 

■i^''*; ^o T°" 'Y'' *'"'■'' "'^ "<> yo" mean? 

JK)s. tr. Ah! you love me then? ° 

C/io?. I adore you. And you? 
Mrs G. I love you as well as you do me. 
ten^ale! ^'^''''■■'""'' '"'■'""'"<««""«%* '■«i'««««.;^) Dahling Nigh- 

aml^'ighient""^"'''"^'^ ^"'^ ^'^ ^^ <1-'^ Po-^'ve thai 1 

werele.'*-'™"'"''"^^ ^''^"'™' ^ -«"Icl stake my head that you 
Mi-s & {taking off maslc) Behold! 
Ohol (exclaims) Mrs. Goldfinch! 

i^L.fs^hreis-^£i£s5;S^^ 

^^^i^er, Ceow, l,, 2 E., a?ic? tito Servants 



THE BIRD FAMILY AND THEIR FRIENDS. 23 

They take positions — maskers come in couples, each taking off mask and 
'handing it— some of them recognize each other and converse in dvmb 
show. 

Enter, Gustavus «?i(^ Magpie, l., 2 b., and cross r. 

Mag, (aside) Nowifpr the grand finale! 

Gus. {aside, looks around anxiously) Where can she be? 

Enter, Timothy and LADy, cross to u 

Mag. Hello! there's Timmy. I wonder how he's enjoying him- 
self. He doesn't look quite perfectly happy, (laughs, observes 
GusTAYUS looking around) Have you lost something, Mr. Oriole? 

Gus. (slightly embarassed) Yes — that is, no, I was merely looking 
around to see if I could find any one I knew. 

Mag. (aside) You won't find her yet a while. 

Enter, Gull and Lucretl\, cross to l. 

There comes the spoons — sugar spoon and mustard spoon. I wonder 
where Chollie is. Didn't I play a good joke on him though. Brought 
liim to the door and said, ''There she is," but I didn't say what 
she. He thought it was Gaylie, He's been hunting for her all the 
evening, but hasn't found her. Trust an actress to conceal her 
identity. Here he comes now. 

Enter, Chollie, l,, 3 e., with Lady, they unmask, 

Choi, (aside) The deuce! this isn't her? I tliought I had found 
iier this time sure. Wheah is my Nightengale? 

Tim. She has hardly looked at me the whole evening. She's 
ilirted with that Crow all the Avhile. But I'll make her choose be- 
tAveen us before the eveuing is over. 

Grow. We will now have our musicale, after which refreshments 
will be served in the dining-hall. (pompously) And now, ladies and 
gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you the queen of song, the 
divine Nightengale. (all look toward door 

Nightengale throws back curtain of c. e. and enters — she pauses at door 
and looks at Gustatus, icho starts nolently — all applaud. 

Choi, (aside) Theah she is! Theah's my dahling Nightengale! 
Ous. (aside) Great heavens! She! 

Nightengale comes slowly to front of stage, keeping her eyes on Gustayus 
face — Gull icatches her. 

Gull, (aside, as if at ruck by an idea) Ah! I have it. 

Gus. (aside) She — a notorious public singer — an actress! 

(folds arms and turns away 
Mag. (aside)' His nose has elevated sixteen inches already. 
Night, (aside) My fate is sealed. 



24 THE BIllD FAMILY AND THEIR FRIENDS. 

NmnTB:sGAi.B sings song— as s7ie2^roceeds, Gustavus turns and icatcJies 
her— as she sings last few bars of song she turns ajid looks at Gvstayus 
loho looks at her haughtily, then crosses to l. and exit, l. ^.—at dose of 
song, all move toioard c. E., Nightengale starts hurriedly toward n 
E. — song can be omitted if necessary. 

Choi, {intercepting Iter eagerly) Will you allow me to escort— 

Night. No! 

Choi. But weally you — 

Night, {imperiously) Stand aside, sir! and let me pass! 

^, , ,, , . , , {^^Q moms hurriedly aside, she exits JK.^. 

Choi {looking after her) Well, if I evah! Now what's the mattah 
withher? Heahl vebeen searching for her all the evening, and 
now that 1 ye found her, she won't even look at me and tells me to 
get out of the way, as if I was a common servant. What an achino- 
void her absence leaves in my heart. I believe I'll go to supper 
Nightengale, you are a heartless girl. But I'll be wevenged, I'll take 
some one else to supper. {exit, loith Lady, l., 2 e. 

troio. Miss Magpie, will you allow me to escort you to supper*^ 

Mag. Certainly, Mr. Cl•0Yv^ ' 

Tim. {crossing to VxAGYm) Are vou eogao-ed— 

3fag. Just engaged to Mr. Grow"! 

Tim. Mr. Crov/ be hanged! {exit i. ^ 

Mag. Excuse me, Mr. Crow, Tve changed my mind. I don't 
rpNl/"^'7^''?"wrV,/'''' ^" ii^Portant matter of business to 
settle. Anem! {aside) I 11 go and smoothe Timmy dowai. 

io- -nr Ti -r {exit, L. E. 

6mo. Well, I must say, that is a nice way to serve the Hon. 
Bluster Crow, the manager of the Warbler Opera Co. Ahem! 

n n / ^ ■ 1 ■ . ^ i^^^h L-, 2 E. 

(tuU. {offering his arm) Lucretia, dear. 

Luc -Yes, Hiram. I don't feel as if I could eat common food 
now, but to please you I'll go. 

aull {aside) Won't it be a caution though the way the victuals 
will disappear. {Ixeunt, j.., 2 ^. 

Enter, Magpie and Timothy, l. e, 

Mag. Now Timmy, you know I never flirt. 

Tim. I don't You've been flirting with Crow all the evenino- 
I tell you. It's abominable, it's shameful! 

Mag. Now Timmy — 

Tim. And as if that wasn't enough, you've been makino- all «n,.f^ 
GusL'us'orrole^"'""'"" Boston,^ha\ stnught^Ja'^l'p.u-ul^^cal 

Mag {aside) Idobelievehe's jealous of Mr. Oriole, {aloud) Mv' 
how eloquent you are! Now I see I shall have to tell you all about 

Tim. About what ? 

Enter, Gustayus, l. e., stands and listens. 

Mag. About Mr. Oriole and Nightengale. Well then, Gavlie cor- 
responded with Mr. Oriole several months before she evei^4w him 
Now you know, he hates actresses, 

Tim. Like rat poison. 



THE BIRD FAMILY AM) Tllhlli FRIENDS. 25 

Mag. She never told him slie was an acti-ess. 'Twasn't any of his 
business anyway; at least she tlioii<;ht so. When she got his letter 
sayino- he was here and wished to see her, she didn't know what to 
do. §0 she and I played the greatest joke on him you ever heard ol. 

Ti7}i. What! 

3Ia(/. When he came, I met him and made believe I was the one 
he'd been writing to instead of her. He told me I Avas a beautiful 
writer— jus*' t^^i"!^ o^ those hen scratches— you know, you've seen 
them. Oh, it was a good joke I 

Tim. Capital! (laughs) Goon. 

3Iag. AVell, you see— let's go into the supper-room. I'll tell you 
there. I'm just starving. 

Tm. So am I. {exeunt, l.. 2 e.— Gustavus comes forward 

Enter, Gull, l. e. 

Gus. Can it be possible? Have I heard aright? Is .it true that 
Miss Thrush would wilfully deceive me thus? 

Enter, ]Mks. Goldfinch, l. e., goes behind plants. 

Gull. Not only possible, but true. 

Gus. AVhai's lliat? What do you know about it? What do you 
mean ? 

Gull. You have been nicely duped by a very clever woman. 

Gus. What do you mean, I say? 

Gull. This Nightengale Thrush is an adventuress! 

Gus. What! 

Gull. It is quite true, though few people are aAvare of the fact. 
She is too subtle for them. 

Gus. How do you know? 

Gull. I have myself suffered at her hands. 

Gus. You! 

Gull. Yes, and I could tell you of dozens that she has lured to 
their destruction with her beauty and her voice. With you she 
adopted the artless innocent role. 

Gus. You tliink tiien that she — 

Gull. She discoveredyou had mone3\ She thought to gain a rich 
husband, that failing, to get as much of your v/ealth into her posses- 
sion as possible. 

Gus. Sir! 

Gull. It is true; I could prove her character, if necessary, (aside) 
Fortunately you are too proud to ask for proofs, (((loud) She would 
have fleeced you finel}^ had I not luckily been on hand to warn you. 

(exit, Mks. Goldfinch, l. k. 

Gus. (aside) Can it be true? And I thought her so good and 
pure, so near perfection. I cannot believe it, and yet — she deceived 
me. (aloud) Sir, excuse me, I must have quiet and a chance lo 
think, I will return shortly. {exit, l.. 2 e. 

Gull. I think I have settled your hopes in tliat direction, my 
charming Nightengale, (exit, r., 2 e. 

Enter, TmoTHY, l., 2 b. 

Tim. I can't stand it any longer. I shall propose to her the 
moment I see her alone again. We had no more than got into the 



f6- THE BlUD FAMILY AND THEIR FBI ENDS. 

()r>er room than she went to flirting again with Ibat Crow. There 
l/ey sat like a pair of idiots — 

Enter, Magpie, l., 2 e. 

Mag. What's that about idiots? 

Tim. Oh — ah — I saw a i^air once. 

Mag. {walks over ancllooks at plants) Where? 

Tim. At a dime museum, (aside) Here goes! (goes upbeJundher, 
stretches out 7iis arms and bends over her — aloud) Mag— 

(she turns suddenly, he hacks to u, of stage, and stands trembling 

Tim. I didn't mean — I — 

Mag. What disease is tliat, Timmy? St. Vitus dance? 

Tim. No, it's — I — I — was just — just — thinl^ing — 

Mag. Wei], don't do it again, if 'it's going to have such an effect 
on you. 

Tim. (sidling up to her) Magpie, I — I— want — I want— 

Mag. What? 

Tim. (jumping) N — nothing! 

Mag. (aside) Well, that isn't me. (aloud) Is that all? 

Tim, No, I — I — (dancing round her) wouldn't it be nice — ah — 
wouldn't it be lovely — wouldn't it be — why — wouldn't it — 

Mag. Can't say. 

Tim.. But wouldn't you like — wouldn't you really like — a — a — 

Mag. Well. 

Tim. A — nother piece of cake? 

Mag. What for? 

Mim. Oh — ah — h'm — you might get hungry, you know. 

Mag. You seem greatly concerned about it. 

Tim. I am. I feel strongly — I — I can't tell you all I feel — 

Mag. (aside) I should think not. 

Tim. I know I — that is I know you — I mean I know we both — I 
know — there is — there is a man motioning to me in the other room. 

(exit, L. E., hurriedly 

Mag. Oh, dear, isn't it awful! I shall go and take suicide — I 
mean poison, as sure as the world. Was there ever such a idiot. 
Timothy Quail, you shall not escape me. I'll have you yet, so help 
me Queen Kokohemia. (exit, l. e. 

Mes. Goldfinch and Gustavus appear at c. e. 

Mrs. O. I am so sorry, and I don't see any sense in it. 

Enter, Nightengale, r. e. 

Will nothing I can say, induce you to change your decision? 

Gus. Nothing. To-morrow I leave New York. 

JSfight. (aside) To-morrow! 

Mrs. G. I shall expect you over before you go, to bid me good-bye, 
(aside) and I've a few things to say to you too, sir! (aloud) Au revoir, 
then until to-morroAV. (disappears 

Enter, Gustavus, c. e., sees Nightengale, bows stiffly and starts to 
retreat. 

Night, (extending Jiand) Mr. Oriole. 



THE BIRD FAMILY AND Til FA II FRIENDS. 27 

Gus. {haiighUly) I beg parelou, madaiii, did you speak to me? 

Nirjlit. (aside) Madam! (alomi) Yes, I— I— Avisbed to say— to 
explain — 

Gus. Surely there is nothing left to explain— 

Hir/Za. Only that— surely the mere fact that I am an actress, can- 
not make such a difference. 

Gus. Madam, you knew my feelings in regard to actresses long 
before you ever saw me. 

Night, (starts) I — 

Gus. (aside) Ah! that shot told. (afoi^fZ)_ You knew that I would 
never knowingly address such a one on term's of equality. And yet, 
you knov\ang this, deliberately kept me in ignorance of your identity. 

Night. I never told anyone to conceal my identity from you. 

Gus. Perhaps not, though I rather doubt it. (Nightengale draws 
herself lip) Yet even then, if you had not intended to deceive me, 
you would have told me yourself. 

Night. I — I — did not intend to deceive you. 

Gus. Explain then why it is you never revealed your profession. 

Night, (aside) Explain to him why I could not tell him — confess 
my weakness. Never! (aloud) I have nothing to say. 

Gus. Ah! you cannot give any explanation. No, it was a system- 
atic deception from first to last. 

Night. I do not understand. 

Gus. No? Listen! Know then that I am aware of the trick 
you i^layed upon me. I know that it was you, and not Miss Bird 
Avho was my correspondent. T know you inveigled that innocent 
little girl into your scheme, persuaded her to take your place — 

Night. You — you — mistake — 

Gus. I do not mistake. No, madam, you can deceive me no lon- 
ger. You thouglit by 3'our infamous scheme to lure me into an al- 
liance with yourself — because I had wealth. But my eyes have been 
opened in time — I have been saved from being trapped by an adven- 
turess! 

Night, (drawing herself up haughtily) Sir! 

Gus. You need not put on that air of injury — it will not serve 
you, I know you for what you are, a creature utterly lacking in those 
virtues which go to make up a true woman— who uses her beauty to 
lure the unwary to their ruin. (Nightengale essays to speak 

Enter, Tuviothy and Magpie, l. e. 

Do not speak! I will not hea;r you! You are utterly unworthy any 
man's esteem. I leave New York to-morrow, and raj only wish is, 
that I may never look upon yoiu* face again! (exit, e., 2 e. 

Night, (stretches out arms) Gustavusl 

(staggers, is caught hy Timothy and Magpie 

CURTAIN. 



28 THE BIRD FA3IIJ.Y AND THEIR FRIENDS. 

ACT III. 

SCENE. — Sitting-room in the home of the Bird family, (not same as Act 
1st.) — c. E. with curtains, harked by interior; doors l. and ii., table k. 
ofc, witit rase of flowers, uooxh, etc.; chairs k. aiid l. of table, also 
other ch.aus in convenient positions, sofa l. of c. front, mirror hack l. 
ofc. — 1^\g>wiw^G:Mj^ is discovered sitting on sofa, Magpfe leaning 
over hack. 

Mag. Isn't it strange? He doesn't blame me a bit for changing 
characters with you. He just seems to think I am a regular little 
lamby-lamby, that's been led into mischief by a cunning old wolf— 
you being the wolf. 

Night. Yes, I know. 

Mag. But I'm going to tell him a thing or two to-night. 

Night, {starting) To-night! 

Mag. (aside) Tliere! I've let the-cat out of the bag. 

Night. Will he be here to-night? I thought— 

Mag. Yes, he intended to leave New York the night after the ball, 
but some business kept him here. And I asked him to come. 
(aside) He doesn't know she'Jl be here though. 

Night, (aside) And I shall see him once more. 

3Iag. So I'm going to give him a piece of my mind. 

Night. It will be useless. He thinks I am everything that is un- 
worthy. He believes me to be an adventuress. 

Mag. A what? 

Night. An adventuress! 

Mag. AY ell, I declare! Y'ou don't really mean that? 

Night. I do indeed! 

3Iag. Well, I never! Why, he doesn't know much, does he? I 
tell you, if I were you, I'd never look at him again. Of course he'll 
find out his mistake, all right, but I'd never forgive him. I suppose 
you would, though ? 

Night. I — I think not. (rising 

Mag. (looking at her) Why Gaylie! what is the matter? I hadn't 
noticed it before, but — why what have you been doing to yourself? 

Night. I— why? 

Mag. You look as if you'd died about twenty years ago and had 
just been resurrected. Are you sick? (aside) Heart disease! 

Night, (nervously) Oh! no, I am quite well. It — it must be your 
fancy. 

Mag. Fancy! (takes Nightengale hy hand and drags her to mirror) 
Look at that! Survey that reflection. See for yourself. Call it 
fancy if you dare! 

Night. It is only the effect of — I'm a little tired from hard study, 
that's all. 

Mag. Oh! that's all, is it? (knock outside, holds up finger) Listen! 
Someone is coming. 

■ Night. If it should be — I could not meet him now, Magpie. 
[quickly) Y"ou understand — it would be so akward, so^ 

3Iag. I don't think it is he, but here! go in there! (pointsto l. e., 
Nightengale exit, l. e. , Magpie looks after her) Well, i f ever any one 
was dead in love, it's her. I suppose she thinks t don't Icnow it 
though. Humph! Ain't such a geese as that. People don't faint 



THE nillD FAMILY AM) Til Kill FlllESl)^. 29 

II way when any one leaves them Tor noll\iiijL;-. and ih'-y don't get pale 
as a ghost, because of his adverse opinion lor nothing either. 

Enter, Timothy, l., 2 e. 

Why Timmy, you I How did you get up tlie courage to come? 

Tim. {startled) Why — I — I — thought 1 saw your ma go away. 

Mag. You are mistaken, but don't worry, slie is busy in the oilier 
part of the house. 

7'*!???. But — bur slic niiglit come. 

Mag. Oh! but > , miI. You're the biggest coward I ever saw. 
Mr. Crowdoesni ... maL way. 

Tim. Mr. Crow : Does he come here? 

Ahig. Often. 

Tim. And j^ou receive him? 

Afag. No, 1 pitch him out of the window every time. 

Tim. That's just an excuse^to get out of answering. Do you like 
him? 

Afag. N — not exactly. 

'Tim. ])o vou dislike him? 

Mag. X--no. 

Tcm. (angrily) Then what do you do? 

Afag. 1 hate Jiim. 

Tim. {runs and takrs ],!}■ hand) Oh, Magpie, I'm so glad; I — 

Afag. {eagerly) Wliy? 

Tim. {drops her hand and backs off) I — I think he— he — isn't a ■ 
\ ery nice man. tliat's all. 

Al7)g. (aside) So near and yet — so far. 

Enter, Robin, l., 2 e. 

liob. {looking out door r.) Here comes mal 
Afrs. B. {ouisid(') I'll kill that man yet. 

Timothy crouches down under table, pulling cloth overji. and back, to con- 
ceal him — books, 'cases, etc. almost fall off. 

Mag. Goodness gracious! She's got us this time I'm afraid — - 

{stands back to table to hide it 
Rob. You're in for it now. 

Enter, Mrs. Bird, r. e. 

Mrs. B. I never did see such work as that gardener makes. 
Mag. Why so? 

^•1^ Mrs. Bird starts to cross to l., Mag moves round i,., Mrs. Bird stctrts 
toicard chair l. of table. 

Rob. {quickly) Y^our cap's on crooked, ma, 

Mrs. B. {running to mirror) Dear me, is it? Why no, it's all right. 

Rob. Well, it looks crooked from down here. 

Mrs. B. {arranging Jiair) It isn't though. But as I was sa3ing, I 
never saw such a gardener. He's so careless. The howers are dis- 
appearing every dxij. I just believe someone is hiding — (Magpie 



20 THE BIRD FAMILY AND THE III Flilh^M)^. 

gives a little cry, Mrs. Bird turns around quickly) W^lial's the mailer V 

Mag. {stammerinrj) I — I — why — I — 

Roh. She Ihinks maybe it's burglars that'll kill us ;>ll some nighl. 

Mrs. B. 1 think it's someone that's thieving i iic ilowers. (Robin 
goes too. e.) And if I ever catch him — (ytart^ to go toicard tabic 

Roh. {suclclenly) Oh, ma! Quick, what's thatv Look! 

{points off I.., Mrs. Bird runs to c. e 

Tim. {whispering) M — Magpie — 

Mag. {aside to Timotwy) Keep still, Timmy! 

Tim. I — I — am — b — but — 

Mag. Sh— ! 

Mrs. B. AVhy, I don't see anything. 

Roh. I thought it looked like a fire. 

Mrs. B. It's only the reflection of the lights, {goes to inirr,.r) 
There, my collar's come unfastened. Come and pin it for me. 
Magpie. 

Mag. {aside) It'll be a tight squeeze now, I'm afraid, but I'll sa^■e 
him yet, so help me Queen Kokohemia. {aloud) Yes, mamma. 
{crosses l., pins collar) It's all right now\ 

Mrs. B. {turns suddenly round and sees taMe cloth all on one side) 
Why, how on earth did that table cloth get all twisted like that? 

{!< tarts for tahle 

Mag. {quickly) Xever mind, mamma dear, I'll fix it. {goes to 
tahle, ptretends to arrange it) You — you see Rover — he was in here and 
he — he — grabbed the cloth — in fun you know, and gave it a jerk, so 
it nearly came off. {exit, Robin, l., 2 e. 

3Irs. B. And I can't see as you are bettering it much. Let me — 

{starts for tahle 

Mag. {gives a scream) Look I There's a mouse! {points near tahle 

Mrs. B. {screams, runs and jumps on chair) Where I Where is it? 

{gathers up skirts 

Mag. There! He wentUnto the other room. {points t.. 

Mrs. B. {getting doicn) Well I'm glad, I hate them. -Bat I just 
thought — (Magpie knocks hook on floor) Look at you! You're knock- 
ing everything ou the floor, {starts for tahle, a crash is Jieard outside 
and "RoBUi screaming) Massy me! what has hai^pened! My precious 
child is killed, I know. " \exit, l., 2e., hastily 

Tim. {jumps up, runs to c. e.) Goo — good-bye Magpie. 

{exit, R., 2 E., after seeing that Mrs. Bird is out of sight 
Mag. {strikes an attitude) Ha, ha! The field is won! 

Enter, ■NIiis. Bird and Robin, l., 2 e., Robin limps. 

Mrs. B. The dear boy had accidentally knocked the hat-rack over, 
and it must have hurt iiim dreadfully. 

Roh. {aside) Wasn't within ten feet of it. 

Mrs. B. Come, Robbie, let us go and get some linament now. 

Magpie arranges tahle, they cross l., Mrs. Bird exit, l. e., Robin turns 
at door. 

Roh. {gives a jump, kicks up heels) Do I look as if I'd been smashed ? 

{exit, L. E. 
Mag. Ha, ha, ha! Bless the boy! 



THE BI 111) FAMLLY AM) TllhUll FJilKJS'D^. oi 

Enter, C'uow, l. e, 

Gi-oic. {coming down) At last I liiid you alone. At last 1 have the 
opportunity, loi\o- and oag-eriy sought to reveal to you my heart. 

3fag. Don't tronble yourself. 

Oroic. Magpie, I have discovered that I can no longer live with- 
out you. 

Mag. (aside) AVonder if he's ordered his coffin. 

Crow. That my only happiness is in your presence. 

Mag. (aside) Sounds like the last seven cent novel I read. 

CroQi. And so to-night 1 have come to throw myself at your feet — 

Mag. Poor feet! Ha, ha, ha! 

(Jroto. AVhat are you laughing at? 

Mag. I was thinking of the spectacle of your throwing yourself 
at my feet. How would you go about it? 

Oroic. Can you not be serious for one moment? 

Mag. Certainly, an hour if necessary. 

Croic. Listen, adored one, I offer you my hand, my heart, my 
fortune. 

Mag. All right. Leave them on the hall table. 

Grotc. (aside) Confound her! If she Avasn't so pretty, so alto- 
gether bewitching, I'd give it up. (aloud) But you fail to under- 
stand me. I have come to honor you by asking j-ou to become m\- 
wife. Ahem! 

Mag. (aside) Honor me! (aloud) Is that all? (imitating Jiiin) 
I'hen Mr. Crow, I must beg to do myself the honor of declining the 
lionor that you would do me the honor of honoring me with. Ahem ! 

Grow, (amazed) What! You don't mean to say you refuse! 
Absurd! 

Mag. H'm! "Well yes, I should rather say I did mean it. 

CroiD. But think! Why, my very heart is knit with yours. 

Mag. And so is mine — nit — with yours. Sorry! Can't help it 
tlio'. 

Groic. Then you really won't marry me? 

Mag. No sir, I won't! I shall not marry till I^can find someone I 
like better than I do you. 

Grow. I suppose you mean Quail. 

Mag. Does that concern you? 

Groic. Certainly. I should hate to see a charming young lady like 
yourself, throw herself away on a low cowardly vagabond like 
Timothy Quail. 

Mag. Mr. Crow! 

Grow. Yes ? 

Mag. (points to door) Will you please perambulate with an ac- 
celerated motion to the exterior atmosphere? 

Grow. I — don't understand. 

Mag. (still pointing) In plain words then, get out! 

Groic. Very Avell, I go. Unfeeling girl, you have broken my heart. 

Mag, Pick up the pieces, they'll be good for the next one. (exit. 
Crow, l., 3 e.) Call my Timmy a vagabond! If ever he comes here 
again, I'll— I'll an— annihilate him, so help me Queen Kokohemia. 

(exit, R. E. 



m 



32 TEE BlUB FAMILY ANB THE III FlUENDS, 

^ Enter, Gull and Lucr^ETiA, r., 2 e. 

Luc. And just think, in a few days we will be married. How 
delightful! 

Enter, Nightengale, l. e., stops and listens. 

Gull. And it is about that, that I wish to speak. 

Lur. Yes, Hiram. 

Gull. Now my dear, I have good reasons for not wishing any one 
to know of our marriage at present? 

Luc. Why not? 

Gull. I cannot tell you yet, but I will later. Now I think it 
would be best if Ave would go to some little village without saying 
anything to any one. 

Luc. An elopement. Oh, won't it be romantic! 

Gull. It will indeed. There we can be married, then we can 
embark for Italy — 

Ltic. The land of poetry — and I do so love poetry. Yes! 

Gull. Or we can go to Spain — 

L^uc. The land of romance! Won't it be delightful! 

Gull. You w ill go then, my own Lucretia? 

LjUC. Go! Of course. Oh! I'm so exquisitely happy! 

Luc. Not more so than I. I felt you would do as I wished. 

Luc. Always, Hiram, {aside) An elopement, and a secret mar- 
riage. Just like a poem! {exeunt, r., 2 e. 

Night, {comes doicn) So that is your game, Hiram Gull. But I 
think I shall have a hand in it also. Scoundrel! After his promise 
tome! How dare he? 

Enter, Mrs. Goldfinch, l., 2 b. 

Mrs. G. Just the person I wanted to see. 

Night. Me, and why? 

Mrs. G. I have something to tell you of vital interest to yourself. 
That man, that Hiram Gull, as he calls himself, is trying to do you 
harm. 

Night, {startled) How so? 

Mrs. G. The night of my ball I accidentally overheard a conver- 
sation between him and Mr. Oriole. 

Night. Mr. Oriole! Goon. 

Mrs. G. I heard him telling Gustavus, that you were a fascina- 
ting, but scheming woman — in a word, an adventuress. 
- Night. Merciful heaven! 

Mrs. G. Any one hearing him, would have thought that you were 
Circe herself. 

Night, (passionateli/) Villain! Coward! This then is the reason 
he called me adventuress — the reason he would not listen tome! 
''.Phis is why lie believed I was trying to entrap him. for his wealth — 
I, who would die to save him one instant's suffering. Oh heaven! 
To think that he believes that of me — that he could believe me 
capable of it. Oh! Gustavus. why could you not trust me? I would 
not believe aught against you, tliougli all the world accused you! 

Mrs. G. Gaylie, Ga,jlie, what does this mean? 



THE BIRD FAMILY AND Til I£ 111 FRIENDS. 3 J 

Hiram Gull appears atu., 2 e. 

MgJit [aside, ifi dismay) I have betrayed myself. 

Mrs. G. Why should this thing- agitate you so ? {goes and puts arm 
^//•ozi/id! NiGHTENaAT,E) A Tter such treatment as he has vouchsafed 
you, why should vou care for his opinion? (Nightengale ^««'«s 
mmy and is silent) tell me, Niglitengale, why is it? What is Gustavus 
Oriole to you? 

Ntglit. {turning around impetuously) He is everything to me, be- 
cause I love him. But he— despises me. 

{iceeps — Gull makes gesture of triumph and disappears 

Mrs. O. {caressing her) Poor girl! I am so sorry. 

Night, {recovering) There is no time for idle repining. Not even 
for his wife's sake will I spare that villain longer. I shall pay him 
back in his own coin, {goes to table, takes icriting material and icrites) 
"Dear Mr. Eagle — 1 — have — found Hiram Daw. Come — as soon — as 
possible. Bring— police with you. Nightengale Thrush." (folds it 

Mrs. Gf. What does this mean? 

NigJit. That justice shall take its course, {goes up stage) And now 
for a messenger. (a^L.,2E.) Hiram Daw, you shall bitterly rue 
the day you so basely maligned me. {exit, l., 2 e. 

3Irs. G. I wonder what she means. 

Enter, Chollie, k. b. 

{airly) Ah! how d'ye do, Mr. Bird. 

Choi {shortly) Quite well, thank you. {aside) I wish I'd stayed 
away. 

Mrs. G. And how do you feel since the ball? You enjoyed it? 

Choi. Immensely. 

Mrs. G. By th.e'way, Mr. Bird,Vhen do I get that head? 

Choi. Oh ! now, give us a Avest. 

Mrs. G. When I get the head. I always insist upon having all 
debts paid. 

Choi. Oh! now, I— 

3Irs. G. Besides, as you love me so dearly, you should be glad to 
pay your obligations to me! 

Choi. I won't listen, I'll wetire to my apartment. 

Mrs. G. But my dear Chollie — 

Choi. I tell you, I won't listen. I won't be chaffed so. Deuce 
take it anyway. {exit, l. e. 

Mrs. G. Ha, ha, ha! AVhat a silly boy he is! And yet I rather 
like him. {looks at loatch) Bless me, is it as late as that. I must go 
or I shall be late at Mrs. Kingsley's reception, and that would never 
do. {exit, L. , 2 E. 

Enter, Magpie, r. e. 

Mag. Oh dear! I wish Timmy was rich, so ma would let him 
come here too, and I wish he would hurry up and ask me to marry 
him, I'm getting so old. {goes to c. e. and looks off l) Why, I declare, 
there he is now, standing over there on the corner, (makes signal) 
Ah! he sees me and is coming. {arranges tilings on table 



sit THE BIRD FAMILY A2S1) TlLELlt FlittJXDS, 

Enter, Timothy, l., 2 e. 

Tim. What do you ^vanl? 

Mag. I've got some news to tell you. Don' t look so frighlenev'. 
Ma's up — stairs. 

2Hm. But Uin news? 

Mag. I Iks'1 ;i. ])n»[)(),sal a little while ago. 

Tim. {sliarplu) \V ho from".' 

Mag. Mr. Crmv, manager of the Warbler Opera Oo. 

Tim. The deuce! Did you accept him? 

Mag. No, I didn't Avant to marry him. 

Tim. Why not? 

Mag. {shyly) I don't want to marry a rich man. 

Tim. iS'o! (aside) If I wasn't such a coward. 

Mag. I should ]ik(^ to get married though — awfully well. 

2'im. Well, wliy doirt you? 

Mag. Because you won't ask me. (aside) There! 

Tim. Magpie! do vou mean it? 

Mag. Well, rather. 

Tim. And you will marry me? 

Mag. To-morrow, if you want me. (tJiey embrace 

Enter, Mbs. Bird, l. e. 

Mrs. B. Ah! so Tve caught you, haven't I? 

Magpie screams and runs l., Timothy goes r. and makes a dash for the 
door. 

Enter, Eagle, l., 2 e. — Timothy ru7is against Mm as he enters. 

Eagle. Sir! do you not know any better than to run against any- 
one like that? (/'^'Viwc/' Timothy) Why, it's Timothy Quail. Just 
the person I've bt'en Jooking for, for the last three days. I have to 
inform you that your uncle, Erastus Quail died some little time 
ago, and has left tiie bulk of his fortune to you. 

Mag. (aside) Then I shall marry a rich man after all. 

Tim. Are you quite sure? 

Eagle. QuitH. 

Mrs. B. {hol'dng out hand) I hope you will pardon my rudeness, 
Mr. Quail, but— you— see — really — 

Tim, Don't speak of it, madam. And you consent to my mar- 
riage with Magpie? 

Mrs. B. Certainly, Mr. Quail, certainly. 

Mag. (looking out of c. -E.) There's Mr. Oriole out in the garden 
with Chollie. Come on Timm3^ (aside) I want to see him about 
Gaylie. (exit, Magpie and Timothy, r. , 2 e. 

Eagle. Is my client. Miss Thrush here? 

Mrs. B. Yes, she is here somewhere. Come with me and we will 
find her. Mr. Eagle. (exeunt, l. e. 

Enter, Luciietia, r. , 2 b. 

Luc. Oh dear! I don't see what is the matter with Hiram. Ever 
since the folks came into the garden, he has scarcely noticed me at 
all — me, his own Lucretia! 



Tilt: nUlD FAMILY AND Till-: I II FllIl^NDS, 3d 

Enter, Nightengale, l., 2 e. 

Xifjht. Madam, I wish to speak to you. 

Taic. Very well, my dear. 

JS'ight. First, will \uu allow me to ask you one question; are you 
going to marry Hiram Gull? 

Luc. (simpermg) Well I— he has asknd me, and I— ye.s, I have 
accepted. 

Enter, Gull, k., 2 k. 

Night. Miss Peacock, he cannot marry you. He already has a 
wife. 

Luc. {screams) AVhat? 

Gull, {coming f one anl) Do not believe it, Lucretia. 

Night. Hiram Daw% do you dare! 

Luc. Daw! AY hat do you call him that for? 

NigJd. That is his name. Gull is only an alias. 

Liic. Can you prove it? 

Night. lean. 

Luc. And you say he has a wife? 

Night. A w'ife and two children. 

Taic. {scream^, turns to G\ji,-l) Sir! is that true? 

Gull, {aside) The game's up. There's no use of trying to get out 
of it now. {aloud) Yes. madam, 1 regret to say it is. And the 
chidren are really strappers. 

Luc. Deceived, deceived! How dared you come here and pass 
yourself oil: as a single man, you wretch! And I believed you loved 
"me. You monster! Oh! how can you look me in the face, you vih' 
man. And we were to be married so soon. To think of it. My idooi- 
heart is broken! {e.vit, l. e. 

Night. So you see, Hiram Daw, that your elopement plan was a 
failure. Did you suppose you could escape me like that? 

Gull. I had hopes of so doing, but you — yoM have outwitted me. 

Night. Aye, I have. 

Gull. But my revenge will be all the sw^eeter. 

NigM. What? 

Gull. You too have a secret. 

Night. I — 

Gull. Which I shall make use of. 

Night. You mean — 

Gull. That Gustavus Oriole will be delighted to learn that the 
famous queen of song loves him dearly. 

Night. You cannot. Y^ou have no x)roof. 

Gull. Haven't I? I happened to hear you make a little confession 
to Mrs. Goldfinch a short time ago. 

Night. So you are a spy too, are you? Your virtues increase upon 
acquaintances trul}-. Well, tell him, I shall not try to iDrevent you. 
You will but disprove 3'our own former assertion, that I was trying lo 
entrap him for his money, you would but show out your own evil 
nature. 

Gull, {aside) Confound her tongue! 

Night. Go to him if you will, with the story of my aU'eclion on 
3-our lips. There is nothing debasing in a true steadfast love, noth- 



38 THE BIUD FAJilLY AND THEIR FRIENDS 

iiig- to blush at. Tell him, I almost wish you would. 

Gull, {aside) Confound her! I'd like to throw her in a well. 
{aloud) The g-entleman in question, knows your true charactor, and 
despises you for it. 

Night. It is false! He knows the character you have given me, 
he has given credence to t!ie vile story you have set atioat; but he 
does not know my character, nor do you either. You fancied I 
would quail at your threat, but you have made a great mistake. 
Mr. Daw, or Gull, whichever you like best, don't you think you've 
made a slight mistake? 

Gull. If you weren't a woman — 

Night. Bnt I am. Don't look so fiendish. You v/on't make any- 
thing by it. (Gull starts for door 

Enter, Eagle, l. e. 

Don't go yet, Mr. Gull. See, here is a dear friend, waiting to see 
you. 

Oull. {sees 'E.'^G'L-E., aside) The deuce! 

Eagle. So, Hiram Daw, I have found j^ou at last. 

Gull. So it would seem. Very glad to see you, I am sure, but as 
I have some pressing business on hand, allow me to wish you a very 
good morning. 

Eagle. jSTot so fast, my fine fellow. {steps to c. e, and motions 

Enter, Officer, c. e. 

There is your prisoner. 

Gull, {starts) What does this mean? 

Officer. Hiram Daw, I arrest you on a charge of forgery. 

Gull, {aside) It's all up v/ith me now. She evidently got onto my 
little game. She isn't such a fool as she might be, if she is a woman. 

(Officer handcuifs Gull 

Enter, Gustavus, r. , 2 e. 

Eagle. Yo\x should have tried something Avhere the chances of 
escape were not so few. On behalf of my client, Miss Thrush, I 
vowed to find you, and with her help I have succeeded. 

Gull. And yet you must confess that 1 have kept clear of you for 
a long time, considering my crime was forgery. 

Gus. {aside) A forger — great heavens! 

Eagle. Too long, by half. Officer, remove the prisoner. 

Gull. Very well, I'm ready any time, {turns at door) Farewell, 
my charming enemy, (sees- Oriole) Ah! Oriole, you here? Sorry 
to leave you, but business must be attended to. Had I the time, I 
should tell you something of interest, but you see, my friend here, is 
anxious for my departure. Perhaps, as I will not see you again, i!. 
Avill give you some satisfaction to know that little adventuress story 
I told you in regard to Miss Thrush, was not true — just a little bit of 
fiction out of my own head — quite original, 1 assure you. Au revoir, 

{exit, Officer and Gull, l., 2 e. 

Night, {coldly) Mr. Oriole, you see of that, at least, I am innocent. 

{exit, L. E. 

Gus. {aside) Innocent! And Magdalen has alreadj^ told me how 
blameless she was in that little joke, how averse she was to changing 



THE BIRD FAMILY AM) Til Hill Fill ENDS. 31 

parts. Will she ever forgive me? I fear iiol. 

Eagle. Mr. Gustavus Oriole, allow me to say iluit you are a fool. 

Gm. Thanks. 

Eagle. You don't know a good thing when you see it. 

Giis. May I ask what you mean? 

Eagle. Most certainly, I have heard of your treatment ol" my 
client, Miss Thrush, sir! You met her nearly every day and lia^l :in 
opportunity to study her character, yet just as soon as yon dis- 
covered her profession, you turned your back upon her, as thou<;ii 
she were some criminal, giving her no chance to justify herselT. A 
man that will do that sir — I say, a man that will do that, is uol 
worthy that woman's notice. 

Gus. I beg your pardon — 

Eagle. I have been her attorney, her confidential man fur three- 
years, sir! and never in all that time, have I known her to be any- 
thing but a lady, and more, a pure, true, noble woman. 

{exit, L., 2e. 

Gils. I have been a fool, a dotard, to allow myself to suspeci hei- 
of being anything other that she is a true, pure woman. How I hav<' 
wronged her! And can I ever hope to be forgiven? Ah! no, neve^r. 

{exit, R., 2 E. 

Enter, JSTightengale, l, e. 

Night, {looks around) Gone! gone, and perhaps forever, {situ at 
table) "What is there left me now? Nothing but a memory, nothing 
but the reflection of what might have been. What a mistake it all 
was. How wrong of me to consent to Magdalen's plan. He thinks 
me utterly unworthy, because I am an actress, and he believes 1 
deceived him wilfully. Oh! if he would only tell me he did not be- 
lieve me entirely unworthy, I would be so happy. But he never 
will, never! {tceep.^ 

Enter, Gustavus, r., 2 e. 

Gus. {aside) She is here alone, and weeping, {comes liurriedb/ 
down, aloud) Nightengale! 

Night. Mr. Ofiole! You? (r/^^.v 

'^us. Yes, I. Miss Thrush, I have come to you as a penitent. 

Night. You mean? 

Gus. I wronged 3'ou deeply. I spoke to j'ou as no man should 
speak to a woman. I confess my error. I know now that you arc 
as true and pure as I first thought you. 

Night, {coldly) And yet, Mr. Oriole, I am still an actress. 

Gu3. I care not what your i^rofession is, I love you. 

Night. Love me! And yet you could believe me to be an adven- 
turess, you could not trust me, but judged me by appearances only. 
,T)o you call that love? 

Gas. Forgive me Gaylie, I was blind. 

Night. {iKi-ssionately) Forgive youl forgive you the pain, the 
humiliation j'ou have caused me' Xo. no! I cannot. Leave me, I 
have suffered enough at your hands already. Go! 

Gus. I have done what I could. I have confessed my fault. If 
you cannot forgive me— {sadly) I can do no more. I will go, and for- 
ever. 



2S THE BIllD FAMILY AND THEIR FRIENDS, 

Night, {aside) Forever! 

Ous. Farewell, Gaylie. I shall never forget you, but you have 
bidden me leave you and I go. I shall leave New York to-night. 



Night. Xo, no! You must not go! 

QiLs. {turns) Why not? Remain here when my love is hopeless, 
when you cannot even forgive me for misjudging you. Why — why 
should I stay? 

Night. Because I love you! {runs into Ids arms 

Oils. Gaylie! (clasps Iter — aftei' a shoH pause 

Enter, Magpie, r., 2 e. 

Mag. Tableau! (GusTAvusa/zd! Nightengale 5^j)a7'a^e) Oh! don't 
mind me, I'm harmless, beside I am in the same boat myself, 

Enter, Mrs. Bird, Chollii:, Hobin and Ti:mothy, r., 2 e. 

far Timmy and I are going to get married too, aren'c we, Timmy? 

Tim. That we are. 

GJiol, {aside) What! M}^ Nightengale going to marry him! And 
now I have no one to love. I — I can't stand it. It leaves such a 
dewadful void in my heart. Ah! I have it; Mrs. Goldfinch! She's 
the vewy one! I'll seek her now, and tell her how I love her. 

{exit, L. , 2 E. 

Mag. So, Mr. Oriole, you have found out your mistake at last. 

Gus. Yes, I have indeed, tliough almost too late. And I hav(^, 
found that it is not safe to judge by appearances — that whatever ;i, 
woman's profession, whatever circumstances may seem to indicat(j 
her, could we but know the truth, we might still find her as I have, 
"A perfect woman, nobly planned. " 

CURTAIN, 

THE END. 



THE null) FA.]fI/.V AXD THE HI FR TENDS. 
SYNOPSIS OF EVENTS. 

ACT I.— Homo oC Mrs. liir.i -Chollio {iiul his mother— He en- 
deavors to write to Nig-hleiigale Thrush, hut is too exhausted to col- 
lect his thoughts— Robin phiysa trick on liis Aunt Peacock— Magpie 
returns from a stroll — Her opinion of Bluster Crow — Robin liiul 
Magpie— She sends a letter to Timothy Quail, her timid lover— Ar- 
rival of Hiram Gull— Lucretia falls in love— Mrs. Bird, who is about 
to call on laAvyer Eagle, forbids Magpie receiving Mr. Quail- 
Timothy calls— The rug man with rugs— Return ot Mrs. Bird- 
Timothy hides under the rugs— Robin comes to his rescue— Magpit' 
and Bluster Crow— Robin helps Magpie to get rid of Mr. Cro'^Nv— 
Lucretia receives a letter from Hiram Gull— Nightengale and Mag- 
pie's plot— Gustavus Oriole, Nightengale's unknown correspondent— 
The interview— His opinion of actresses— Lucretia, a victim of 
Robin's jokes. 

ACT n. — The masquerade at Mrs. Goldfinchs'— Gustavus and Nigh- 
tengale, an actress, but unknown to Gustavus — He expresses his 
opinion of her — Lucretia overhears Hiram Gull making love to Mrs. 

Goldfinch — A scene in which Hiram Gull gets the worst of it 

Nightengale learns of the engagement of Lucretia and Hiram Gull. 
a base scoundrel — Hiram Gull recognizes Xiuhtengale — "I'll let j-ou 
goon one condition" — Chollie and Mrs. Goldfincir, the wager lost — 
Gustavus recognizes Nightengale as the singer and actress — His 
disgust — "My fate is sealed" — Magpie and Timoth}-, he resolves to 
propose, but is too timid — Gull overhears Nightengale's confession— 
^Magpie and Timothy— "He'll never propose"— Gustavus accuses 
Nightengale of deception — "I hope I may never look upon your face 
again." 

ACT HL — Nightengale and Magpie — She decides to give Mr. Oriole 
a piece of her mind — Magpie and Timoth}^ — Mrs. Bird arrives on the 
scene — Timothy hides under the table — As usual, Robin comes to the 
rescue — Magpie refuses Bluster Crow — "He insulted my Timothy" — 
Lucretia and Hiram Gull propose an eloxDement, overheard by 
Nighteno-ale, who exposes Mr. Gull — Lucretia in hysterics — The ar- 
rest of Hiram Gull, or Daw, for forgery — Timothy Quail receives a 
fortune and Mrs. Bird welcomes him as her future son-in-lav»' — 
Lawyer Eagle enlightens Gustavus Oriole regarding Nightengale — 
Nightengate receives Gustavus confession coldly, but relents and 
confesses that she loves him — Magpie and Timothy, Gustavus and 
Nightengale happy at last. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

J!., means Right ; l., Left; e. h., Right Hand; l. h.. Left Hand; 
c, Center; s. e., (2dE.,) Second Entrance ; u, e., Upper Entrance; 
M. D., Middle Door ; f., the Flat ; d. r.. Door in Flat ; r. c, Right 
of Center ; l. c.. Left of Center, 

Tv. R. C. C. L. C. L. 

%* The reader is supposed to be upon the stage facing the audience. 



Katie's Deception; 

-OR- 

The Troublesome Kid. 



Farce in 1 act, by W. L. Bennett, 4 male and 2 female characters. 
Costumes modeni. Time of playing, 30 minutes. A bright 
sparkling' furc!' i'or amateurs. "Good negro charac- 
ter. J^'armor from "Way back" answers 
Katie's matrimonial advertisement. 
Characters are all good. 
Price 15 cents. 



Our Family Umbrella. 

A Comedietta in 2 acts, by E. E. Cleveland, 4 male and 2 female 
characters. Scenery interior. Costum^es modern. The old man 
character is excellent, is alway buying umbrellas, but never has one 
when needed. Amateurs will find this a good after-piece. 

Price 15c. 

Yacob's Hotel Experience. 

Farce in 1 act by B. F. Eberhart, 3 male characters. Time of 
playing 20 minutes. This will make a good after-piece. The dutch- 
man is immense. His experience in a first class hotel is uproarously 
funny — 

HOME RULE. 

A Charade in 2 scenes, by the author of Yacob's Hotel Experience, 

8 male and 3 female characters. Time of playing, 

20 minutes. Price 15 cents. 

Joan of Arc Drill. 

A Spectacular Shepherd drill for 8 to 16 girls, by B. P.- 
Eberhart. This drill is simple and easy to get up, requiring no 
scenery, can be produced indoor or out, no special music is needej" 
in the march. Costume, Shepherd girls dress — girls carry| 
Shepherd's crook. A diagram gives the line of march, so it is eal 
understood. Ends with a tableau of Joan of Arc at the stake, f 

Price 15 cenl 



3J- L£ 

iimes^ Plays — G antiniiBd. 



wo. M. P. 

146 Our Awful Aunt 4 4 

53 Out in the Streets 6 4 

51 Rescued - 5 3 

59 Saved 2 3 

102 Turn of the Tide 7 4 

(53 Three Glasses a Day 4 2 

62 Ten Nights in a Bar-Room... 7 3 

58 Wrecked 9 3 

COMEDIES. 

324 A Day In A Doctor's Office... 5 1 

136 A Legal Holiday. i 3 

168 A Pleasure Trip 7 3 

124 An Afflicted Family 7 5 

257 Caught in the Aet 7 3 

248 Captured 6 4 

178 Caste 6 3 

176 Factory Qirl fi 3 

207 Heroic Dutchman of '76 8 3 

199 Home 4 3 

174 Love's Labor Not Lost 3 3 

158 Mr.Hudaon's Tifrer Hunt...- 1 1 

149 New Years in N. Y 7 6 

37 Not So Bad After All 6 5 

237 Not Such a Fool as He Looks 6 3 

838 OurB.ys 6 4 

126 Our Daughters 8 6 

265 Pug and the Baby 5 3 

114 Passions 8 4 

264 Prof. Jamss' Experience 

Teaching Country School 4 3 

219 Rags and Bottles 4 1 

239 Scale with Sharps and Flats.. 3 2 

221 Solon Shingle 14 2 

262 Two Bad Boys 7 3 

87 The Biter Bit 3 2 

131 The Cigarette 4 2 

240 12,000 Reward 2 

TRAGEDIES. 
16 The Serf 6 3 

S. 

1 
1 
3 

2 
3 
2 
5 
4 
2 
3 
3 
3 



HO. 

8 
86 
22 

84 
287 



Better Half 6 

Black vs. White 4 

Captain Smith - 3 

Cheek Will Win 3 

Cousin Josiah 1 

Cupids Capers 4 

Cleveland's Reception Party. 5 

Double Election 9 

Der Two Surprises 1 

Deuce is in Him 6 

Did I Dream it 4 

Dutchy vs. Nigger 3 

Dutch Prize Fighter 8 

Domestic Felicity 1 

Eh? What Did You Say 3 

Everybody Astonished 4 

Fooling with the Wrong Man 2 
Freezing a Mother-in-Law... 2 

Fun in a Post Office 4 

Family Discipline 

Family Jars 5 

Goose with the Golden Eggs.. 5 

Give Me My Wife 3 

Hallabahoola, the Medicine 

Man 4 

Hans, the Dutch J. P 3 

Hans Brummel's Cafe 5 

Hash 4 

H. M.S. Plum 1 

How She has Own Way 1 

How He Popped the Quest'n. 1 

How to Tame M-in-Law 4 

How Stout Your Getting 5 

Incompatibility of Temper... 1 

In the Wrong Clothes 5 

Jacob ShlafE's Mistake 3 

Jimmie Jones 3 

John Smith 6 

Johanes Blatz's Mistake 4 

Jumbo Jum „ » 4 

Killing Time 1 

Kittie's Wedding Cake....- 1 

Lick Skillet Wedding 2 

Lauderbach's Little Surprise 3 
Locked in a Dress-maker's 

Pvoom 3 

Lodgings for Two 3 

Love in all Corners 5 

Matrimonial Bliss 1 

Match for a other- Min-Law.. 2 

More Blunders than one 4 

Mother's Fool 6 

My Heart's in Highlands 4 

My Precious Betsey 4 

My Turn Next 4 

My Wife's Relations 4 

My Day and Now-a-Days 

My Neighbor's Wife 3 

Nanka's Leap Year Venture- 5 

Nobody's Moke 5 

Our Hotel - 5 

Olivet 3 

Obedience 1 

On the Sly 3 



r€ 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



3^ 



iimes^ Plays — Lun ta: 



57 
217 
165 
195 
159 
171 
180 
267 
309 

48 
138 
115 

55 
327 
232 
241 
270 
1 
326 
339 
137 



315 
40 
38 
101 
167 
291 



295 
54 
28 
292 
142 
276 
263 
7 
281 
312 
269 
170 
213 
332 
151 
56 
70 
135 
147 
155 

111 
157 



Paddy Miles' Boy 5 

Patent Washing Machine 4 

Persecuted Dutchman 6 

Poor Pilicody 2 

Quiet Family 4 

Rough Diamond 4 

Ripples 2 

Room 44 2 

Santa Glaus' Daughter. 5 

Schnaps 1 

Sewing Circle of Period 

S. H. A. M. Pinafore 3 

Somebody's Nobody 3 

Strictly Temperance 2 

Stage Struck Yankee 4 

Struck by Lightning 2 

Slick and Skinner 5 

Slasher and Crasher 5 

Too Many Cousins 3 

Two Gentlemen in a Fix 2 

Taking the Census 1 

The Landlords Revenge 3 

That Awful Carpet Bag 3 

That Rascal Pat 3 

That Mysterious B 'die 2 

The Bewitched Closet 5 

The Coming Man 3 

Turn Him Out 3 

The Actor's Scheme 4 

The Irish Squire of Squash 

Ridge 4 

The Mashers Mashed 5 

The Sham Professor 4 

TheSpellin' Skewl 7 

The Two T. J's 4 

Thirty-three Next Birthday.. 4 

Tim Flannigan 5 

Tit for Tat 2 

The Printer and His Devils.. 3 
Trials of a Country Editor.... 6 
The Wonderful Telephone.... 3 

Two Aunt Emilys 

Uncle Ethan 4 

Unjust Justice 6 

U.S. Mail 2 

Vermont Wool Dealer 5 

Which is Which 3 

Wanted a Husband 2 

Wooing Under Difficultie.'' 5 

Which will he Marry 2 

. 1 



Widower's Trials... 

Waking Him Up 

Why they Joined the Re- 



Yankee Duelist.... 
Yankee Peddler... 



GUIBE BOOKS. 

Hints on Elocution 

Hints to Amateurs 

CANTATA. 
On to Victory ~ 




ETHIOPIAN FARCES. 

204 Academy of Stars 6 

325 A Coincidence 8 

65 An Unwelcome Return ;i 1 

15 An Unhappy Pair _1 1 

172 Black Shoemaker 4 2 

98 BlackStatue 4 2 

22 Colored Senators '. (i 

214 Chops ; u 

145 Cuff's Luck 2 1 

190 Crimps Trip 5 

27 Fetter Lane to Gravesend 2 

153 Haunted House 2 

230 Hamlet the Dainty 6 1 

103 How Sister Paxey got her 

Child Baptized 2 1 

24 Handy Andy .„ 2 

236 Hypochondriac The 2 

319 In For It ....^ 3 1 

47 In the Wrong Box 3 

77 Joe's Visit ...2 1 

88 Mischievous Nigger 4 2 

256 Midnight Colic 2 1 

128 Musical Darkey 2 

90 No Cure No Pay 3 1 

61 Not as Deaf as He Seems 3 

244 Old Clothes 3 

234 Old Dad's Cabin , 2 1 

150 OldPompey 1 1 

246 Othello 4 1 

109 Other People's Children 3 2 

297 Pomp Green's Snakes 2 

134 Pomo's Pranks 2 

258 Prof. Bones'Latest Invention 5 

177 Quarrelsome Servants 3 

96 Rooms to Let .2 1 

107 School 5 

133 Seeing Bosting.... 3 

179 Sham Doctor >. 3 3 

94 16.000 Years Ago 3 

243 Sports on a Lark 3 

25 Sport with a Sportsman 2 

92 Stage Struck Darkey 2 1 

238 Strawberry Shortcake. 2 

10 Stocks Up, Stocks Down 2 

64 That Boy Sam 3 1 

253 The iJest Cure 4 1 

282 The Intelligence Office 8 

122 The Select School 6 

118 The Popcorn Man -. 3 1 

6 The Studio .3 

108 Those Awful Boys.- 5 

245 Ticket Taker 3 

4 Twain's Dodging ~.... 3 1 

197 Tricks 5 2 

198 Uncle Jeff 5 2 

216 Vice Versa 3 1 

206 Villkens and Dinah 4 1 

210 Virginia Mumrcv^ 6 1 

203 Who Stole the Cmckeng 1 1 

205 William Tell 4 

166 Wig-Makerand His Servants 3 

Happy Franks Songter 



The Little^Gem Make-Up Box. Price 50 Cents. 



